Cloverfield (mini-review)

Cloverfield
85 minutes
PG-13

This movie is a non stop thrill ride. It's a Godzilla rip off, which in itself is not a problem. Cloverfield was full of cinematic gimmicks and trickery. It sucks you in, even though it's completely hollow. After the film ends, you are left with an empty feeling, a feeling we are all too familiar with, like after watching Micheal Bay's ejaculate on celluloid (Transformers). It would be unconscionable to recommend this movie to your worst enemy.

Final Verdict: 12 out of a possible 100

First Sunday

First Sunday

PG-13

Ice Cube, Tracy Morgan

98 minutes

Ice Cube (Durell) and Tracy Morgan (Lee John) decide to rob a church out of sixty-four thousand dollars because... well it's not really that important why, they need the money. They break in at night thinking no one is there, but the deacon catches them red-handed, breaking into the safe. Eventually the entire church is held hostage. From all this one can only assume hilarity ensues.

This is one of those 'better than you expect' comedies that typically comes out in January. These movies are actually better than you expect, the problem is the bar was set pretty low to begin with. Case in point, Kangaroo Jack came out at this time about five years ago, and it was indeed better than I expected, but I digress.

The humor was fairly low brow, and the one-liners where hit and miss (mostly  miss), yet I couldn't help but chuckle throughout the film. It almost seemed like they were making fun of the whole 'bad urban comedy' genre. I had no problems with Ice Cube, but Tracy Morgan's performance seemed rather restrained and perfunctory. The movie is not without its charm though, the story made sense, some subtle social commentary was present; the more dramatic elements of the movie are done quite well, enough to make you really feel for the characters.

First Sunday is not god awful, it's a little bit better, I would rate it at slightly better than medicore. If this type of movie suits your fancy, buy it when it comes out on dvd (used), but don't embarrass yourself by displaying it prominently on your movie shelf.

Final Verdict: 65 out of a possible 100

Side note: a couple actors from the television program, Boston Public are in this movie. Guess which ones, you may be surprised.

The Orphanage

The Orphanage (Orfanato, El )
100 minutes
Spanish with English subtitles
Limited Release (currently)
Rated R

Takes place in Spain, begins with a girl (Laura) playing outside with several other children at an orphanage. Thirty years later, that woman is living in the former orphanage with her husband (Carlos) and an adopted boy (Simon). They adopted the child as an infant, knowing he has a life threatening illness. He has a wild imagination and loves playing games, gradually his antics become more annoying. Soon as the Laura starts to realize how real and haunting these games actually are, the boy disappears. Fliers are posted all over Spain, but he has vanished without a trace. This is where the story takes off, and the parents employ a less orthodox approach in the search for their son.

Guillermo del Toro produces another fine movie, quite easily on par with his earlier film, Pan's Labyrinth. We should look forward to many more quality films from this director. The color, soundtrack, and essentially, the overall ambiance of the film, make for one genuinely frightening movie. Not one moment of wasted celluloid, every character and scene had its place within the story.  Unlike most suspense films, this one had a satisfying ending, but enough of The Orphanage is kept a mystery to leave the viewer with their imagination intact.

Final Verdict: 94 out of a possible 100

Sidenote: My reviews are based in the context of their respective genre.
Look foward to a review of First Sunday next week

The Great Debaters

THE GREAT DEBATERS

The Great Debaters is based on a true story of a black high school debate team, which eventually goes on to challenge the Harvard debate team. At various points of the film I experienced déjà vu because huge chunks of the movie seemed to be borrowed from other black civil rights movies (e.g. Mississippi Burning). Denzel Washington makes one of his trademark, self-righteous speeches. The plot lacked soul and is filled with psedointellectual garbage. Any adversity the characters had to overcome was unrealistic or purely gratuitous. All the characters are multi-dimensional, which saves the movie from being a complete disaster. Forrest Whitaker, and Denzel Washington gave stellar performances. No one else really stood out. Jurnee Smollett has a dreadfully irritating southern accent, reminiscent of Jasmine Guy on the television program A Different World. In short, The Great Debaters is on par with a solid made-for-TV movie, which is why I would wait until it comes out on TNT before watching it.

Final Verdict: 67 out of a possible 100

I am Legend

I AM LEGEND
PG-13
Will Smith
100 minutes

In 2009 scientists manipulate the measles virus to cure cancer. In clinical trials, thousands of people were vaccinated, which turns out to be disastrous. People develop symptoms resembling rabies. The disease spread quickly and most of the worlds' population die after catching the disease. The rest of the population was either immune or turned into living vampires. Will Smith stars as Robert Neville, an army Colonial and a scientist. Neville is the lone survivor of New York City. Much of his time is surviving and catching rabid people to test potential antidotes on them.  He places manikins throughout the city, these inanimate objects are meant to alleviate his loneliness, similar to the role Wilson played in Castaway.

I AM LEGEND is a Christmas multiplex blockbuster. I came into the movie knowing that if I was too fastidious, it would be a dissapointment; it is afterall a popcorn flick. Nonetheless, many faux pas were present that were not so easy to overlook. Legend seems remarkably similar to films director Danny Boyle (28 DAYS LATER, CHILDERN OF MEN) has created, the story is based on a novel, so any resemblance is most likely coincidental. Plus, there is an adorable German Shepard tagging along with Neville. When a movie features a dog, it will either die tragically (TURNER AND HOOCH), or it plays basketball. It's not my place to spoil the movie for the audience, so I won't reveal the fate of the lovable pooch. Lastly, you may notice Smith's character cares a great deal about his appearance, wearing stylish clothes, Armani cologne (probably), while driving a nice, polished Ford Mustang GT. Vanity to this extent seems futile once you take away people from the situation; he was alone for three years.

Final Verdict: 65 out of 100

Biggest Loser

I'm not sure if anyone watches that biggest loser show, but tonite Tom Arnold showed up randomly on the program demanding his prize.

whoah bloo

A burn brain co-worker inspired me to create this blog. From now on I will post things that are so roast it would shock ted danson after he just huffed paint under a bridge with scott bacula.
1. "Cyrstal light is a good mixer for vodka. I mean it tastes pretty good and its zero calories."(Nov 28, 3 pm)
2. Eating corn pops out of the box saturday morning. Bonus points if you put milk in the container and eat it over a sink.
3.  Going bowling at tyee lanes(before it closed down)
4. Your hanging with a few people and no one realizes that the fridge door has been wide open for a couple hours.
5. You know Patrick Duffy went to Cascade and graduated in 1967.
6. Wearing a shirt that contains the word "peace" anywhere on the shirt.
7. Wearing a Marlbro windbreaker.
8. Drinking flat Max cola.
9. Ashing in a beer and drinking it anyways.
10. Telling a story about the Dave Matthews concert you went to in 1996.
11. Bloody marys at the buzz inn at 6 am.
13. Saying "people just dont understand how good the clash was, i mean they were ahead of their time, they changed way people think about things" before passing out.
13. I'll add to this list periodically. I noticed a good amount people have read my blogs. I have no idea who.
14. Watching Jeopardy December 6, 2007 and getting all the questions in the "Beverley Hills 90210" category (Dylan, Hilary Swank, Jason Presley, The Peach Pit, Brian Austin Greene were the answers)
15. Realizing that the family on Alf and the family on full house both have the same last name.
16. (earliest personal roast memory, this comes from my childhood '92) It was getting kind of late on a school night and my mom told me to go to bed and I said "no mom I want to stay up for 'Murder She Wrote'
17. Dressing like a d-bag from 1991 and wearing a neon fanny pack
18. Eating at Izzy's Pizza
19. Living at trailhead village by the everett mall

Life with louie

 Life with Louie is coming to DVD in the near future. More news on that as it comes.

Life with louie

Life with louie

It has come to my attention that life with louie is out on dvd, in england. Go to amazon.co.uk and check it out. You will need a multi region dvd player to actually play it. I´m not sure how howie mandel got bobby´s world released in the united states, i think he sold his soul to satin or possess secret magical powers of some type.

Rapping

Rapping

Looks like my pal Patrick Swayze is getting into the rap music scene.
"Patrick Swayze wants to release a rap song.
The 'Dirty Dancing' star is said to be planning to record a hip-hop track and could release it later this year.
Swayze reportedly told website allhiphop.com he is working on a track that will show that "rap rhythms are an emotional undercurrent for ballads." "