I've been a little under the weather these past couple days. Source Code in a couple days. Hanna will be reviewed later on this week. Here is a little something to hold you over:
Dennis Quaid's Favorite Mistake
I'll give you a hint. It's not his entire film career.
That's what I call Soul Surfing.
Norm MacDonald
Norm MacDonald: Me Doing Stand Up (2011). This Comedy Central special isn't out on DVD till June, but this is the funniest stand up I've seen in years. It's easy enough to find online, but copyright infringement is wrong.
Sucker Punch
“Don't write a check with your mouth that you can't cash with your ass.”
-Wise Man (Character from Sucker Punch)
Movies this bad are made all the time. Except this one is not made from the mind of M. Night Shyamalan. 30 minutes hour into the movie, I noticed a few people leaving the theater, never to return to their seats. Even as I write this review, I am still trying to make sense of it all.
Even for the sole purpose of this review, it would have been nice to know her real name. For example, if I reviewed The Crow. Imagine having to refer to Brandon Lee's character as 'The Crow,' throughout the review. That would be utterly ludicrous, his name is Eric Draven, guitarist extraordinaire.
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The Lincoln Lawyer
“Let your plans be dark and as impenetrable as night, and when you move, fall like a thunderbolt.”
- Sun Tzu, The Art of War
Call the Guinness World Book of Records, this is the maximum amount of time Matthew McConaughey has appeared on screen with a shirt.
This is the role Matthew McConaughey was made for. A phony, dooshy criminal lawyer. I keep hearing that this his best film in years, but make no mistake, there is no way it can compare with, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.
Typically, criminal lawyers don't make a ton of money. This man is different. Mickey does his share of flattery, fibbing, and telling bold face lies. Even without the legal background, this man could almost get by on charm alone. This is all done for a greater good...that being his bank account. As a master of deception and duplicity, Mickey is a force to be reckoned with. And I'm not talking about people getting lost in his eyes.
One of his clients, Louis Roulet (Phillippe), is a wealthy, 32 year old playboy. He's accused of murdering a prostitute. At first glance, it looks like he is framed. It looks like a very open and shut case, until he discovers his client is pure evil. Mickey and Louis, two ruthless men, battling one another in the supreme court of life.
A vast conspiracy unfolds, one that comes close to consuming Mickey. A conspiracy that flirts with ridiculousness, but nonetheless, an intriguing one.
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Cobra
The cobra roaming around th Bronx is lethal. A human being could die in a few hours, after being bitten by one. And it's a very painful death. It's almost as painful watching the movie Cobra.
Myspace blogs
I posted the archives of a previous blog on myspace. I wrote these from 2006 to 2008. The myspace page was a fake Louie Anderson profile for part of that time. These blogs are not all movie reviews, or even reviews, for that matter. I left everything in tact, including: spelling errors, clichés, platitudes, incorrect grammar, my less than comprehensive understanding of Brechtian epic theatre, callous/insensitive remarks, soliloquies, bad jokes, non-sequiturs, Luke Perry references, and puns. Some entries are less than stellar. Most of them, I knocked out of the park.
Limitless
Bart: You know how they say most people use 10% of their brain?
Lisa: Yeah?
Bart: Well now, I'm one of them!
-The Simpsons, Episode AABF22, "Brother's Little Helper"
This film is about a genius writer, who is having trouble finishing a project. You see, he is trying to finish a movie review, in a film starring Bradley Cooper and Robert De Niro...Ha-ha-ha, not really.
Eddie Morra (Cooper) is burnout writer, which is a bit of stretch for Brad Cooper, but he managed just fine. He has a serious case of writers block. On top of that, he long time girlfriend dumps him. It was a day that couldn't get much worse.
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Cedar Rapids
A good comedy does two things: makes you laugh, and it makes you cry, from laughing so hard.
I literally choked on some skittles, at one point.
Tim Lippe was born and raised in the fictional town of Brown Valley, Wisconsin. He has never left the state of Wisconsin. Both of his parents died when he was 16. Tim was on his own, and needed to support himself. Brown Valley is a tight knight, supportive community. The owner, Bill Krogsdad (Root), extended a helping hand, and hired Tim to do light clerical work for Brown Star Insurance. Soon after, he got bumped up to an insurance adjuster.
One of Tim’s colleagues dies David Carradine style, in a erotic asphyxiation accident (There were only three people in the movie theater, and I was only person laughing). This colleague has been the top dog; winning three double diamond awards, three years in a row. These are awarded by an insurance industry organization, comprised of a handful of companies in the Wisconsin-Minnesota region.
This involves traveling to Cedar Rapids, for an insurance industry conference. He is a passionate and dedicated insurance adjuster. Tim Lippe is a noble man. A man that believes he is really making a difference. He is the 'Hank Hill' of insurance adjusters.
Upon arriving at the hotel, Tim is approached by a prostitute. She asks him for a light. He admits that he doesn’t smoke, but instead offers butterscotch candy. She suggests the two of them should 'party' later on. In further interactions between the two, she uses butterscotch as a term of endearment.
Walking into his hotel room, Tim Freaks freaks out. It appears he shares a room with an ‘Afro-American’.
Dean Ziegler (Reilly) is undoubtedly, the funniest character. He is a loud ,obnoxious jerk, and has a bit of a drinking problem. A recently divorced guy, married for 17 years, but at least one of those years was good. In spite of all this, deep down he is a decent person. Dean has been in the insurance ‘game’ for twenty years.
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