The Beaver

by Edward Dunn

THE BEAVER
PG-13
91 minutes
Director: Jodie Foster
Writer: Kyle Killen
Mel Gibson, Jodie Foster, Anton Yelchin, Riley Thomas Stewart, Matt Lauer

The Beaver: As of now, Walter is resigning. And putting me in charge!

In this documentary, we follow Mel Gibson in his day-to-day life. We see him spiral out of control; slowly drifting deeper into insanity. Walking around the house all drunk and depressed, he eventually takes this pity party into a motel room. He fails to commit suicide in his motel room. From here, he starts talking with a puppet, like Mr. Hat on SOUTH PARK this puppet sounds like Michael Caine.

Walter Black: Who are you?
The Beaver: I’m the beaver, Walter. And I’m here to save your damn life.

At this point, I released I was not watching a documentary. This is a fictional movie that Jodie Foster directed. This film was released quietly, with little fanfare. This movie was finished before he allegedly, assaulted his ex-girlfriend, and before those secretly recorded phone conversations.

Walter Black (Gibson) is the president of a toy company. He has a long history of mental health issues. Out of nowhere, he becomes completely debilitated by serious depression. He develops a coping mechanism, communicating with others through use of a puppet.

 



 Merideth (Foster) is his wife.

'I’ve been very patient. But I want you. Not him.'

 

 Porter (Yelkin) is a high school senior. Applied to Brown University, only to turned down. Writes classmates essays for cash. He is in the process of writing a graduation speech for someone else.

 

 

 Henry (Stewart) is five years old.

 

Meredith (Foster) decides to give Walter an ultimatum: it is either your family or the puppet. He chooses the puppet. Later, when he tries destroying the puppet, the puppet cuts off his hand.

Henry: Is dad gone?
Meredith: He’s not gone, honey. We just…agreed that it’s better if we don’t live together anymore.

It is strange, seeing Jodie Foster and Mel Gibson on the same screen. Just think, Jodie Foster wanted Mel Gibson to be in her movie.

Mel Gibson was the only entertaining person in this film, and he was only funny for about 45 minutes. By funny, I mean it in the ironic sense.
 

Final Verdict: 50 out of 100

Sidenote:

This beaver puppet thing has be done before.

At first glance, it sounds like 'Ranger Joe' on Full House.

But that is not the case.

You see, Ranger Joe had a woodchuck (commonly known  as a groundhog), woodchucks and beavers are completely different animals.

 

 

 

 

 

Cowboys and Aliens Mini-Review

by Edward Dunn

Cowboys and Aliens
118 mins
PG-13
Director: Jon Favreau
Writers: Roberto Orci (screenplay), Alex Kurtzman
Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford, Julio Cedillo, Olivia Wilde, Paul Dano, Olivia Wilde

 

“You have to stop thinking.”

-Ella Swenson (Wilde)

 

It seemed like a novelty movie. I figured, best case scenario: it would be about as good as Snakes on a Plane. 

Speaking of snakes.

Daniel Craig’s wrist, that looks familiar. And you are correct, I was looking for an excuse to watch Escape from LA.

It would be a waste of time to explain the plot, because there isn't one.

Harrison Ford plays a caricature of his other characters. He just kind of showed up for a paycheck, and nothing more.

Paul Dano (There Will Be Blood), plays his good-for-nothing, spoiled son.

This conversation between Harrison Ford and Eli Dano takes place toward the end.

Don’tcha remember me boy?

I’m sorry I don’t remember much.

I’m your father.

Oh Pa!

This movie ends like an episode of Bonanza.

This movie was good for about forty minutes; from there, it made no sense at all. And that is the worst kind of movie: one that picks you up, just to let you down. 

Final Verdict: 15 out of 100




Captain America: The First Avenger

by Edward Dunn

Captain America: The First Avenger

PG-13

125 Minutes

Director: Joe Johnston

Writers: Christopher Markus, Stephen McFeely, Joe Simon, Jack Kirby

Chris Evans, Hugo Weaving, Tommy Lee Jones, Hayley Atwell, Hugo Weaving, Samuel L Jackson

One of the oldest of Marvel comics.The first issue being released in March of 1941. For all you history buffs, that was during the Second World War.

Steve Rogers, a short, puny man. Born during the Great Depression. He grew up without a father, and his mother died when he was 18. He has tried to enlist many times under many different aliases. He is magically transformed into a superhuman.

Seems like a comic book version of Audie Murphy WWII hero/actor. 5 feet 5, inches, and 110 pounds, comparable to Steve Rogers (before he grew nine inches and gained a hundred pounds).

I loved him in that Nutty Professor movie. 

I loved him in that Nutty Professor movie. 

Red Skull (Weaving), Adolf Hitler's head of advanced weaponry, whose own plan for world domination... (you get the picture-it sounds like every comic book you would ever read). This 'Red Skull' guy is the main villian, well him and the rest of Germany.

The villan looked like a red version of the of ‘The Mask’.

america.jpeg

No, not Mask (1985).

The Mask (1994).

The Mask, with a hint of Skelator. 

red skull.jpg

Red Skull seemed cartoonish, but considering it is based on a comic book, that does not seem like a legitimate complaint.

Like most people, I like watching Nazis get killed. There is plenty of that, almost on par with World War II.

Tommy Lee Jones had the most developed (and entertaining) character. Lately, he has been playing a similar character in every movie, but that is not necessarily such a bad thing.

Most of it was entertaining, but do not expect anything more than entertainment. Subplot and character development, are far from exceptional. Impressive CGI and special effects, and surround sound—that will rock your world. In short, this film is full of pazazz and flashy things. I recommend seeing this at a movie theater.

Spoiler Alert !?

Captain Planet America will return in The Avengers in the present day. Mark your calendars, May of 2012.

There seems to be a lot invested in The Avengers franchise. Doesn't Samuel L. Jackson have anything else going for him? He is taking this roll way too seriously.

Final Verdict: 80 out 100

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Bad Teacher (Mini-Review)

by Edward Dunn

BAD TEACHER
R
92 minutes
Director: Jake Kasdan
Writers: Gene Stupnitsky, Lee Eisenberg
Cameron Diaz, Jason Segel and Justin Timberlake

Let's Start Off With A History Lesson (11 Years Ago)

PAY IT FORWARD was released October 20, 2000.

This entire movie is an exercise in suspending disbelief.

  • Helen Hunt is 37 years old. Yet, she works as a Vegas cocktail waitress in a gentleman’s club. Wearing only a bra...really, come on.
  • Kevin Spacey educates children. 
  • Jay Mohr is a newspaper reporter.
  • Deep down, all people are good.
Yes, I am going somewhere with this analogy.

Fast forward eleven years.

Cameron Diaz is 38 years old. It appears all those hours spent in the sun have finally caught up to her. She plays a slutty teacher, who is a bit of gold digger. She is saving up for breast implants, and they cost 10,000 dollars. 

So she smokes pot at lunch. It kind of reminds me of my 8th grade science teacher. We'll call him Mr B. He taught at Gateway Middle School (Everett, Washington) during the late 90's. 

Justin Timberlake plays a rich suave, dorky teacher. His character does not seem very believable. Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake made this movie completely unwatchable (well them, and the bad wrting). 

Everyone else plays does a decent job playing their characters

The ending was alright: except it did not make any sense. An unapologetically evil, sociopath, magically transforms into be decent human being.  

Do not watch this movie under any circumstances.  It is about entertaing as a middle school assembly featuring a motivational speaker, who rips a phonebook in half. 

Final Verdict: 26 out 100


Midnight in Paris

by Edward Dunn in

Midnight in Paris, the opening film at the 2011 Cannes Film Festival was warmly received. That is expected, Cannes is in France, after all. But underneath this love letter to Paris, is an excellent film. Gil (Wilson) and Inez (McAdams) travel to Paris. They are engaged, but they do not seem very close or compatible, and this gets more obvious as the film progresses. Additionally, his in-laws do not seem to like him all that much. By chance, they run into Paul (Sheen) and his wife, Carol (Arianda), old friends of Inez. Paul is a pretentious blowhard, on a speaking tour. At one time, he worked in Hollywood, movie scripts, a high paying gig, that he did not much care for. While in Paris, Gil is working on his novel about a ‘nostalgia store’ owner. At this point, even as a member of the audience, you find yourself painfully bored with Gil’s present life. Around midnight, Gil goes out on a walk; an old car approaches him. A car filled a lively, rambunctious group of folks, on their way to a party. They ask him come along and reluctantly accepts the invitation. Arriving at the get-together, he notices something strange. Everyone dressed in old clothes, Cole Porter is playing the piano. He is surrounded by people who resemble his literary heroes, but these people cannot be real. Oh, but they are. Gil figures this out, and he is not really freaked out. He takes advantage of this opportunity. Coming back to visit, several nights in a row.
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New Cliff Bar

by Edward Dunn

“Wow, it's like there's a party in my mouth and everyone's invited.”

-Ken Griffey Jr.

This new ‘Coconut Chocolate Chip’ Cliff Bar is scrumdiddlyumptious. If you are familiar with Girl Scout cookies; they taste like ‘Samoa’ cookies, (known in some parts of the USA as ‘Caramel deLites’). As health conscious person, with a sweet tooth, this newly branded confection is deLite-full, indeed.

For food I have three ratings:

Subpar, Par, and Überpar.

I rate this Überpar.

Well-Dunn

  

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Horrible Bosses

by Edward Dunn

HORRIBLE BOSSES
Director: Seth Gordon
R
100 minutes
Writers: Michael Markowitz, John Francis Daley
Jason Bateman, Charlie Day, Jason Sudeikis, Jamie Foxx, Colin Farrell, Kevin Spacey, Jennifer Aniston

This is one of the worst movies ever made. I did not laugh one time. This week,  I put together a presentation. A simple movie review will not suffice in this case. Here goes:

It would be best to view this on a full screen.

Final Verdict: 1 out of a possible 100.

 

Super 8 (Mini Review)

by Edward Dunn

Super 8 PG-13 112 minutes Writer: J.J. Abrams Director: J.J. Abrams Elle Fanning, Amanda Michalka, Kyle Chandler, Joe Lamb, Riley Griffiths, Joel McKinnon Miller, Ryan Lee, Gabriel Basso, Ron Eldard, David Gallagher “I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?” -Stand By Me (1986) Now and Then (1995). Goonies (1985), Stand By Me (1986), and The Sandlot (1993). I remember being twelve, and being on summer vacation. The only thing I did was watch these movies like these. Charles (Griffiths), and his friends, are creating a movie for a local film contest. While shooting a scene, they witness a train crash, and inadvertently capture it on film. This is a realistic group of 12 year olds: they are a sharp group of kids, but underneath it all, they are all still kids. Elle Fanning plays a big part in this movie. She reminds me of a young Kristina Ricci. That is to say, unlike her older sister, she actually has a future in acting. David Gallagher has a small, but significant cameo. He decided to go the Jessica Beil route, eagerly wanting to move beyond his squeaky clean, TV persona. In Super 8, he plays a burnout stoner, working at the photo-mat. "People know me as some school do-gooder: Saint Simon, son of a minister."
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