Rise of the Planet of the Apes

RISE OF PLANET OF THE APES
105 min
PG-13
Director: Rupert Wyatt
Writers: Pierre Boulle, Rick Jaffa, Amanda Silver
James Franco, Andy Serkis, Freida Pinto, John Lithgow, Tom Felton

'I want a new invincible human being, insensitive to pain, resistant and indifferent about the quality of food they eat ...'

-Joeseph Stalin (regarding a Soviet program attempting to cross humans with chimpanzees) 

Australopithecus, Homo Habilis, Homo Erectus, Encino Man, Tony Danza, Caesar

If we can learn anything from GORILLAS IN THE MIST (1988), it is that human beings cannot peacefully exist with Sigourney Weaver.

It is a rather ambitious project: reviving a franchise weighed down by its past—its past awfulness. 

Technically, it is a prequel, but there are still issues concerning continuity. In 2011, everything just seems much more believable, as far as the science and the CGI are concerned.

It is best just to take this movie at face value. I find myself pleasantly surprised by the 7th installment of this franchise.

Will Rodman (Franco) is a researcher at Gen Sys. Will takes home 'Caesar' after his mother dies in a hail of gunfire, after testing an Alzheimer's drug. Will smuggles doses of the drug out, so he can treat his father's ever-worsening condition. This virus (ALZ-112) was passed down to her son (Caesar) genetically, as was her level intelligence.

Will's father, Charles(Lithgow) suffers from Alzheimer's, and lives with  his son.  His place in this movie seems like a little nod to  HarryGary Buseyand the HENDERSONS(1987).  It is nice to see John Lithgow in something other than a Campbell's  soup commercial (I know—he did play a very convincing psychopath on DEXTER).

This chimp lives with Will, he learns sign language, and looks out for Will's father. This cannot be a permanent living situation; this is PLANET OF THE APES, not CURIOUS GEORGE. After a violent incident with a neighbor, Caesar is sent to a  'sanctuary'. They keep apes there, and they are treated rather (for lack of a better term)  inhumanely.

'Get your stinking paws off me you damn dirty ape!'

Tom Felton- Blonde evil kid from Harry Potter. You know he is up to no good.

Caesar throws his low-protein gruel at Dodge Landon (Felton). The chimp finds this most hilarious.

'You think that's funny, huh.'

Dodge sprays him with a fire hose.

Tom Felton has sealed his fate: he will always be typecasted as an evil guy; like John Wayne only playing cowboys. Although, I could see him playing Macaulay Culkin in a biopic.

Steven Jacobs (Oyelowo) plays the CEO of a big pharmaceutical  company.  This character is just a tad cliché. He seems very  one-dimensional, only  concerned with keeping shareholders happy.

'You make history, I make money.'

—Steven Jacobs

'Cause everytime you let the animal out cages, it's dangerous to people who look like strangers.'

         -THE WATCHER, Dr. Dre

It's interesting; how Caesar takes the moral high ground in various scenes. He gets this priceless look on his face that says: 'hey c'mon, we're better than that'. One could almost call him a 'Gandhi-type' figure, in this fictional ape society.

'Noooooooooo!'

-Ceaser

Make no mistake, this chimp is no panzee: he is like  George S. Patton, Stephen Hawking, and Confucius all wrapped up into one creature. Additionally,  he has an army of brave, super-smart apes.

The climax of this film takes place place on the Golden Gate Bridge.  The San Francisco PD and federal agents, are ready to make Rice-A-Roni of anything that moves with four hands. An epic battle: you already know the apes win. But how they win, with raw intellect, is truly amazing.

Ahh Ahh Ahh Ahh Chity Chi bob botta...

When you're lost out there and your all alone

A light is waiting to carry you home

Everywhere you look.

Another sci-fi action movie for a thinking person, like DISTRICT 9 (2009), 28 DAYS LATER (2002), or CHILDREN OF MEN(2006). James Franco gives an Oscar worthy performance (well, maybe a tad better). I would recommend buying this movie on Blu-ray.

Final Verdict: 92 out of 100

The Beaver

THE BEAVER
PG-13
91 minutes
Director: Jodie Foster
Writer: Kyle Killen
Mel Gibson, Jodie Foster, Anton Yelchin, Riley Thomas Stewart, Matt Lauer

The Beaver: As of now, Walter is resigning. And putting me in charge!

In this documentary, we follow Mel Gibson in his day-to-day life. We see him spiral out of control; slowly drifting deeper into insanity. Walking around the house all drunk and depressed, he eventually takes this pity party into a motel room. He fails to commit suicide in his motel room. From here, he starts talking with a puppet, like Mr. Hat on SOUTH PARK this puppet sounds like Michael Caine.

Walter Black: Who are you?
The Beaver: I’m the beaver, Walter. And I’m here to save your damn life.

At this point, I released I was not watching a documentary. This is a fictional movie that Jodie Foster directed. This film was released quietly, with little fanfare. This movie was finished before he allegedly, assaulted his ex-girlfriend, and before those secretly recorded phone conversations.

Walter Black (Gibson) is the president of a toy company. He has a long history of mental health issues. Out of nowhere, he becomes completely debilitated by serious depression. He develops a coping mechanism, communicating with others through use of a puppet.



 Merideth (Foster) is his wife.

'I’ve been very patient. But I want you. Not him.'

 Porter (Yelkin) is a high school senior. Applied to Brown University, only to turned down. Writes classmates essays for cash. He is in the process of writing a graduation speech for someone else.

 Henry (Stewart) is five years old.

Meredith (Foster) decides to give Walter an ultimatum: it is either your family or the puppet. He chooses the puppet. Later, when he tries destroying the puppet, the puppet cuts off his hand.

Henry: Is dad gone?
Meredith: He’s not gone, honey. We just…agreed that it’s better if we don’t live together anymore.

It is strange, seeing Jodie Foster and Mel Gibson on the same screen. Just think, Jodie Foster wanted Mel Gibson to be in her movie.

Mel Gibson was the only entertaining person in this film, and he was only funny for about 45 minutes. By funny, I mean it in the ironic sense.
 

Final Verdict: 50 out of 100

Sidenote:

This beaver puppet thing has be done before.

At first glance, it sounds like 'Ranger Joe' on Full House.

But that is not the case.

You see, Ranger Joe had a woodchuck (commonly known  as a groundhog), woodchucks and beavers are completely different animals.

Cowboys and Aliens Mini-Review

Cowboys and Aliens
118 mins
PG-13
Director: Jon Favreau
Writers: Roberto Orci (screenplay), Alex Kurtzman
Daniel Craig, Harrison Ford, Julio Cedillo, Olivia Wilde, Paul Dano, Olivia Wilde

“You have to stop thinking.”

-Ella Swenson (Wilde)

It seemed like a novelty movie. I figured, best case scenario: it would be about as good as Snakes on a Plane. 

Speaking of snakes.

Daniel Craig’s wrist, that looks familiar. And you are correct, I was looking for an excuse to watch Escape from LA.

It would be a waste of time to explain the plot, because there isn't one.

Harrison Ford plays a caricature of his other characters. He just kind of showed up for a paycheck, and nothing more.

Paul Dano (There Will Be Blood), plays his good-for-nothing, spoiled son.

This conversation between Harrison Ford and Eli Dano takes place toward the end.

Don’tcha remember me boy?

I’m sorry I don’t remember much.

I’m your father.

Oh Pa!

This movie ends like an episode of Bonanza.

This movie was good for about forty minutes; from there, it made no sense at all. And that is the worst kind of movie: one that picks you up, just to let you down. 

Final Verdict: 15 out of 100



Captain America: The First Avenger

Captain America: The First Avenger

PG-13

125 Minutes

Director: Joe Johnston

Writers: Christopher Markus, Stephen McFeely, Joe Simon, Jack Kirby

Chris Evans, Hugo Weaving, Tommy Lee Jones, Hayley Atwell, Hugo Weaving, Samuel L Jackson

One of the oldest of Marvel comics.The first issue being released in March of 1941. For all you history buffs, that was during the Second World War.

Steve Rogers, a short, puny man. Born during the Great Depression. He grew up without a father, and his mother died when he was 18. He has tried to enlist many times under many different aliases. He is magically transformed into a superhuman.

Seems like a comic book version of Audie Murphy WWII hero/actor. 5 feet 5, inches, and 110 pounds, comparable to Steve Rogers (before he grew nine inches and gained a hundred pounds).

I loved him in that Nutty Professor movie. 

Red Skull (Weaving), Adolf Hitler's head of advanced weaponry, whose own plan for world domination... (you get the picture-it sounds like every comic book you would ever read). This 'Red Skull' guy is the main villian, well him and the rest of Germany.

The villan looked like a red version of the of ‘The Mask’.

No, not Mask (1985).

The Mask (1994).

The Mask, with a hint of Skelator. 

Red Skull seemed cartoonish, but considering it is based on a comic book, that does not seem like a legitimate complaint.

Like most people, I like watching Nazis get killed. There is plenty of that, almost on par with World War II.

Tommy Lee Jones had the most developed (and entertaining) character. Lately, he has been playing a similar character in every movie, but that is not necessarily such a bad thing.

Most of it was entertaining, but do not expect anything more than entertainment. Subplot and character development, are far from exceptional. Impressive CGI and special effects, and surround sound—that will rock your world. In short, this film is full of pazazz and flashy things. I recommend seeing this at a movie theater.

Spoiler Alert !?

Captain Planet America will return in The Avengers in the present day. Mark your calendars, May of 2012.

There seems to be a lot invested in The Avengers franchise. Doesn't Samuel L. Jackson have anything else going for him? He is taking this roll way too seriously.

Final Verdict: 80 out 100

Bad Teacher (Mini-Review)

BAD TEACHER

R

92 minutes

Director: Jake Kasdan

Writers: Gene Stupnitsky, Lee Eisenberg

Cameron Diaz, Jason Segel and Justin Timberlake

Let's Start Off With A History Lesson (11 Years Ago)

PAY IT FORWARD was released October 20, 2000.

This entire movie is an exercise in suspending disbelief.

• Helen Hunt is 37 years old. Yet, she works as a Vegas cocktail waitress in a gentleman’s club. Wearing only a bra...really, come on.
• Kevin Spacey educates children. 
• Jay Mohr is a newspaper reporter.
• Deep down, all people are good.

Yes, I am going somewhere with this analogy.

Fast forward eleven years.

Cameron Diaz is 38 years old. It appears all those hours spent in the sun have finally caught up to her. She plays a slutty teacher, who is a bit of gold digger. She is saving up for breast implants, and they cost 10,000 dollars. 

So she smokes pot at lunch. It kind of reminds me of my 8th grade science teacher. We'll call him Mr B. He taught at Gateway Middle School (Everett, Washington) during the late 90's. 

Justin Timberlake plays a rich suave, dorky teacher. His character does not seem very believable. Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake made this movie completely unwatchable (well them, and the bad wrting). 

Everyone else plays does a decent job playing their characters

• Non-Creepy Middle School PE Teacher (Jason Segel).
• Uptight total bitch (Jillian Armenante).
• Middle-aged boring lady (Phyllis Smith).

The ending was alright: except it did not make any sense. An unapologetically evil, sociopath, magically transforms into be decent human being.  

Do not watch this movie under any circumstances.  It is about entertaing as a middle school assembly featuring a motivational speaker, who rips a phonebook in half. 

Final Verdict: 26 out 100

New Cliff Bar

“Wow, it's like there's a party in my mouth and everyone's invited.”

-Ken Griffey Jr.

This new ‘Coconut Chocolate Chip’ Cliff Bar is scrumdiddlyumptious. If you are familiar with Girl Scout cookies; they taste like ‘Samoa’ cookies, (known in some parts of the USA as ‘Caramel deLites’). As health conscious person, with a sweet tooth, this newly branded confection is deLite-full, indeed.

For food I have three ratings:

Subpar, Par, and Überpar.

I rate this Überpar.

Well-Dunn

Horrible Bosses

HORRIBLE BOSSES
Director: Seth Gordon
R
100 minutes
Writers: Michael Markowitz, John Francis Daley
Jason Bateman, Charlie Day, Jason Sudeikis, Jamie Foxx, Colin Farrell, Kevin Spacey, Jennifer Aniston

This is one of the worst movies ever made. I did not laugh one time. This week,  I put together a presentation. A simple movie review will not suffice in this case. Here goes:

It would be best to view this on a full screen.

Final Verdict: 1 out of a possible 100.

 

Braxton

I wish I would have found out about this earlier.  I’d be a shoe in. I guess I will have wait for the next contest.

http://www.wetv.com/braxtons-song-contest/

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