Vic is in his late teens; he's 'a boy and a man', like that Alice Cooper song. He walks around in the desert all day with a rifle; like Josh Brolin in No Country for Old Men. In his travels, he finds a suitable human female to sleep with. Her name is Quilla June Holmes; she is from the land down under. And no, I'm not going to make a reference to Outback Steakhouse®...or Paul Hogan, for that matter.
Quilla goes back into 'the land down under', and Vic follows her home. There is a society below the Earth's surface called Topeka. Topeka is a Norman Rockwell scene that's gone completely haywire. We'll call it an interesting mix of: Hitler Youth Camp, that city in Children of the Corn, and Topeka, Kansas.
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American Reunion
AMERICAN REUNION
R
113 mins
Director: Jon Hurwitz
Writers: Adam Herz, Jon Hurwitz
Chris Owen, Jason Biggs, Alyson Hannigan, Seann William Scott, Eugene Levy, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Justin Isfeld, Chris Klein, Jennifer Coolidge, Jay Harrington, John Cho, Shannon Elizabeth, Tara Reid
"Were we just as obnoxious as these kids back in the day?"
-Kevin (Character)
Michelle, Jim, Heather, Kevin, Vicki, Finch, Stifler, and Stifler's mom. These characters embark on, yet another journey.
A journey―as sweet and American―as the Apple pie Jason Biggs made love to 13 years ago. All the actors are famous, but not too famous. They all have regular gigs, but could still use the money to feed their kids/addictions.
High school reunion movies and even TV episodes are ever good. What about THE SIMPSONS episode where Homer went to his class reunion? Well, that was no class reunion episode. He never graduated high school. Yeah, he managed to get a GED, but that doesn't count.
High school reunion movies filmed in the late 90s were dreadful. ROMY AND MICHELLE'S HIGH SCHOOL REUNION (1997) comes to mind. These films were about people who went to high school in the late 80s. More recent reunion movies have better soundtracks: Backstreet Boys, Limp Bizkit, Blink 182; need I say more?
You won't believe who hooked up with who.
- Jim and Michelle rekindled the spark in their marriage.
- Stifler's mom and Mr. Levenstein get it on.
- Finch's mom and Stifler. Hold on... let me savor the irony.
Idiotic, sophomoric, tomfoolericific, unsophisticated; but enough about myself. In all fairness, this movie doesn't pretend to be funny serious. However, it does pretend to be original. This is the fourth time I've seen the same AMERICAN PIE film. I figured they might make a good movie on accident.
Chris Klein and Keanu Reeves are identical twins. They look alike, and personality wise; neither of them are capable of portraying a convincing 'smart person'. So no one would catch on, Chris was put in suspended animation for 15 years.
On its own, this movie doesn't work. You need to know, and like the characters from the previous three movies to enjoy this one.
We will see many more sequels. There is no taming this 'AMERICAN PIE' beast. Even if all the actors died in the same plane crash: Buddy Holly style. They would make a documentary called: 'AMERICAN FUNERAL: THE DAY THE MUSIC DIED'. I would be the only critic with enough balls to rag on it.
Final verdict: 30 out of 100 
The Hunger Games
THE HUNGER GAMES
PG-13
144 Minutes
Director: Gary Ross
Writers: Gary Ross, Suzanne Collins, Billy Ray
Jennifer Lawerence, Josh Hutcherson, Liam Hemsworth, Stanley Tucci
The best movie featuring Ice-T and Gary Busey.
CAST
Jennifer Lawrence--Katniss Everdeen
Willow Shields--Primrose Everdeen
Josh Hutcherson--Peeta Mellark
Liam Hemsworth--Gale Hawthorne
Stanley Tucci--Caesar Flickerman
Wes Bentley--Seneca Crane
Elizabeth Banks--Effie Trinket
Woody Harrelson--Haymitch Abernathy
'With these hungry eyes. One look at you and I can't disguise. I've got hungry eyes. I feel the magic between you and I.' -HUNGRY EYES, by Eric Carmen
'In penance for there uprising, each district shall offer up a male and a female between the ages of 12 and 18 at a public reaping.'
There are 12 districts, and only one individual lives. A negative raffle of sorts; reminiscent of THE LOTTERY, by Shirley Jackson. Her younger sister, Primrose (Shields) got selected, but Lawrence volunteered instead.
In the country of 'Panem', which includes all North America. The largest, wealthiest, most powerful city in the entire world is named: 'The Capitol'. Yes, that is the official city name. The writers must have pulled an 'all-nighter' coming up with that one.
I'm not sure what year this is supposed to be; for all I know it could be from the past. Perhaps it's the lost civilization of Atlantis.
The inhabitants of 'The Capitol' look like extras from a Katie Perry video. Except, no one shooting with whipped cream out of their tits.
Haymitch Abernathy (Harrelson) won the games may years ago, he serves as Primrose's mentor. Woody Harrelson is always playing a burnout. It's like Jeremy Piven, he's always playing a dick...with bad hair plugs.
There's a bee hive.
So?
Stand back.
Are you crazy? You'll get stung!
-MY GIRL (1991)
That scene from MY GIRL, whereMacaulay Culkin dies (spoiler alert). They take that scene and make it much deadlier. Except in this movie, it's used as weapon to kill people on purpose.
When the games are going on, the movie is entertaining. Which is about 35% of the film. Jennifer Lawrence's carries most of that 35 percent.
This movie raises many 'Why' questions.
Namely:
- What planet do they live on?
- Are they in a separate, parallel universe?
- Is this parallel universe based on junk science?
- Would people really tolerate this sort of thing?
- How does their economy function?
- What was the point of all this?
THE TRUMAN SHOW, SURVIVOR, RAMBO, and JERSEY SHORE. THE HUNGER GAMES combines all of these things. Which sounds much cooler than it actually is. Stream this on Netflix, when you're hungover...and you don't have anything better to watch.
Final Verdict: 70 out of 100
We did baby!
To mark the one year aniversty of the Garden of E Dunn website (not the blog). It should work on iPhones, Android, and Windows 7 devices. And don't think I forgot about you Symbian users; I didn't... You don't really count. Post under comments if it doesn't work for you.
For Android users: You may have to go to settings;
Non-Market applications (Menu) > Settings > Applications > Unknown sources
21 Jump Street
21 JUMP STREET
R
109 Minutes
Directors: Phil Lord, Chris Miller Writers: Michael Bacall (screenplay), Michael Bacall (story), Jonah Hill
Jonah Hill, Channing Tatum, Ice Cube
This may be hard to believe, but I watched a lot of TV as a young kid. 21 Jump Street just wasn't on my radar, probably because it wasn't a cartoon, and it didn't have a laugh track. It’s the show that launched Johnny Depp's career, he departed after a few seasons to make Edward Scissorhands (1990).
21 Jump Street doesn't take it self too seriously. Almost like a movie Judd Apatow would make. This film is completely unoriginal, but in a good way. A celebration of cheesy clichés. Which includes a one-dimensional, multicultural criminal syndicate.
2005 was a much simpler time. The only means of communication kids had were: email, text messaging, instant messaging, MySpace, analog paper notes, Morse Code, and soup cans. Schmidt and Jenko went to the same high school, seven years ago. Schmidt was a dork in high school, and the other guy was a football star. Things are different this time around. Schmidt becomes popular, and it really gets to his head.
Ice cube plays the police captain Captian Tennill Dickson; which is like Ron Jeremy teaching sex-ed at an all-girls Catholic school.
Their assignment: to infiltrate a high school, and arrest young girls that would be involved in statutory rape. But really, they need to find the source of a deadly, new synthetic drug. A drug that makes you see the color of time.
There’s a bitchin' party at the parents house. They buy a couple kegs, and steal drugs from the evidence locker back at the station. You can guess what happens here. The parents come back early from vacation. Schmidt becomes the coolest mac-daddy at school.
Glory days, glory daze
It's your typical high school revenge fantasy: shooting classmates...on film...in a pretend movie. This is the real revenge of the nerds.
Look at that Andrea character on 90210. She was well into her 30s; I thought she was a member of the faculty…that was going to retire soon.
'Going back to high school' movies are a close cousin of the body-switching movies. High school movies, of any kind are never about people in high school. There a product of a youth obsessed culture. Involving the high school world of geeks and jocks; that only exists in movies. If they aren't cops, then they're magazine writers for the Chicago Sun-Times.
Comedies are only meant to 90 minutes long. About 10 or 15 minutes worth of content should have been cut. I do like the surprise ending, like Steven Seagal in The Onion Movie (2008) as the 'crotch puncher'.
Final Verdict: 85 out of 100
The Lorax
"They paved paradise and put up a parking lot."
- Adam Duritz
I am the Lorax.
'The Lorax' is a cross between: Wilford Brimley, 'Cap'n Crunch', and 'Yosemite Sam'. Renaissance man, Danny DeVito —brings some of that 'Louie De Palma' (Taxi) pizazz to this character. Lorax speaks for the trees.
An inconvenient truth.
I love Dr. Seuss, in fifth grade, I would read all his prose during SSR, even after many verbal warnings by my teacher. My fellow students gave me a hard time as well.
Everybody do the Urkel dance?
If you want to do the Steve Urkel dance,
All you have to do is hitch up your pants,
Bend your knees, and stick out your pelvis;
(I'm telling you, baby, it's better than Elvis!).
-Do the Urkel Dance
Stars are something you see in the night sky. Jaleel White is like the moon; nay, he is much more stellar than that. His accolades include: a Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards Nomination (1996).
Venus, the goddess of love and beauty...is full of hot air.
Jaleel is a more divine figure, like Jupiter: King of the Gods.
About 6 years ago, there was an internet hoax. Jaleel White committed suicide and left a note stating: 'Did I do that?'.
March 19th is the premier. This will be the first, and only time I will watch this show. No, that's not true, I'm not fooling anyone.
I leave you with this: the best episode of Family Matters (abbreviated version).
Goon
"I don't have a thing. Like you have your show; my dad and my brother have their doctor thing. I don't got a thing. Everybody's got a thing but, me."
He's a highlander, by God!
-Highlander (1986)
The Halifax Highlanders are part of a semi-professional hockey league. He was offered the job of enforcer, after beating up a hockey player, that went into the stands (Ron Arrtest-style).
Doug Glatt (Scott) is a security guard for a local bar, just outside of Boston. You wouldn’t know that his dad is Jewish, a doctor, or Eugene Levy.
"I get to wear a uniform that doesn't have the word 'security' on it."
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