The Ghostbusters aren't around, and they can't be called. So the Avengers are the next best resource we have at our disposal. They do battle with Loki's army, and give them a little taste of the red-white-and-boom.
All the actors play their characters well. Mild mannered, Mark Ruffalo was a good choice to replace Ed Norton/Eric Bana.
Scarlett Johansson was in this movie for the same reason Jessica Alba was in the Fantasic Four...acting ability.
I still don't know what Nick Fury's place is in all this, but I'll never object to Sam Jackson being in any movie. In this film, he plays an almost believable 'science guy'.
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The Man Without a Face (Retro)
THE MAN WITHOUT A FACE(1993)
PG-13
115 min
Director: Mel Gibson
Writers: Isabelle Holland (novel), Malcolm MacRury (screenplay)
Mel Gibson, Nick Stahl, Margaret Whitton
Staples of the 90s
Mother's gone too far -- she's put cardboard over her half of the television. We rented THE MAN WITHOUT A FACE -- I didn't even know we had a problem!
-Principal Skinner, THE SIMPSONS, 4F18
Cast
Chuck Norstadt-Nick Stahl
Ted Danson Faceless Man-Mel Gibson
Catherine Palin (Mother)- Margaret Whitton
In the movie world, 1993 was a year of animals, featuring Dinosaurs, a lovable orca whale, and Adolph Hitler. People tend to forget about the less successful, and often less critically acclaimed films. Like DENNIS THE MENACE, and the movie I'm reviewing here.
There is that period between LETHAL WEAPON IIand PAYBACK; where Mel Gibson directed a few movies. As a passionate cinéaste, he wanted to be taken seriously, not just as a mere, distinguished thespian, but as a handsome director.
Before he went craz...ier, he made BRAVEHEART and THE MAN WITHOUT A FACE.
And to answer your question, no this isn't a prequel to FACEOFF(1995).
The Summer After the 'Summer of Love'
Chuck wants to get into a military academy. This is in stark contrast to the social, and intellectual views of his genius family. He failed the admissions test, but he is determined to give it another go. He's hanging out in Maine, with the family at the summer home.
Chuck's father died in a mental institution, but his mom lies to him; saying he died in military combat. The boy needed a strong father figure in his life, and he found one. A former teacher that lives in a large estate on the edge of town: Jack McLeod.
There are differences between the movie and the book it’s based on. In the novel, the teacher may have been a pedophile. Whereas, in the movie he is merely a creepy, disfigured recluse; who meets with a 12-year old every day.
People are going to find out I don't know what I'm doing. I have to direct this film...what am going to do?
-Mel Gibson 2004 DVD Featurette
There are literal, as well as symbolic references to Shakespeare's MERCHANT OF VENICE (1598). Which I find interesting, in light of his more recent anti-Semitic rantings and movies. Contrary to his public behavior, he is not a moron. Surprisingly, he possesses a more nuanced understanding of the themes in Shakespeare's play; I must commend him for that, if nothing else.
Once you get past how ugly Mel Gibson's character is, there is a story, but it’s not very interesting. I mean it, no exaggeration, you can take my words at face value.
Final Verdict: 58 out of 100
Sidenote: reviewing The Avengers next.
Think Like a Man
THINK LIKE A MAN
122 Minutes
PG-13
Director: Tim Story
Writers: Keith Merryman, David A. Newman, Steve Harvey
Chris Brown, Gabrielle Union, Kevin Hart
You liked him in the Steve Harvey Show, The Original Kings of Comedy (2000), and the Family Feud...
... [crickets chirping]...?
Before my local Border's closed, I sat down on one of those big, comfy, black sofas; and I flipped through this 'book' Steve Harvey 'wrote'. I thought Pimp 'Magic' Harvey was going to impart some wisdom. Perhaps, show me how to pull a ho quick. But no, it was a well-intentioned book written for women, by a 'comedian'. For the record, I didn't read the entire book. But I did flip through it for good 30 minutes.
Think Like a Man, is the antithesis of 1997's How to Be a Player, featuring the long forgotten Bill Bellamy.
Most of this film is predictable. Like toward the end, you know there's going to be some messy breakups. Chris Brown's character is going beat the shit out of his girlfriend...oh, wait that was in real life.
We see the artist formerly known as 'Ron Artest' playing a game of pickup basketball. Why would a professional player be practicing basketball at the Y? Oh, maybe because he is serving a 7-game suspension for elbowing James Harden in the face.
To its credit, this film features an authentic mixed race group of friends. In TV commercials, you'll see one black guy playing a tambourine and four white guys, all playing in the same jam band...and one of them has erectile dysfunction. Here, there are two white guys, and four black guys; a more realistic ratio.
Complaints on Steve Harvey (in no particular order)
Soon as I got used to that bad hairpiece, he decides to shave his head. He looks much worse with a bald head, as hard as that is to believe.
This is the longest infomercial I have ever seen. Mr. Harvey must be possessed by the spirit of the late, great Billy Mays, himself. Which is surprising, I figured he'd be busy selling Oxyclean in heaven. The movie would get going, and every so often, we’d hear a tidbit of wisdom, an aside, where Steve Harvey is sitting in a chair. He would say things like, ‘men like standards, get some’, or how the perfect man doesn't exist. It's an unnecessary distraction, which detracts from the movie itself.
Steve Harvey is the last guy that should be dispensing relationship advice. Look at him, he's not exactly the epitome of success. It's like Louie Anderson putting out a diet book.
Parting Words
Think Like a Man is a male version of He's Just Not That Into You (2009). This is a tolerable, bland 'romcom’. If you're looking to get laid, this is the movie to take your lady acquaintance to; it's an efficient, cost-effective solution.
Final Verdict: 65 out of 100
A Thousand Words
A THOUSAND WORDS
PG-13
91 Minutes
Director: Brian Robbins
Writer:Steve Koren
Eddie Murphy,Cliff Curtis, Kerry Washington, Clark Duke
Cast
Eddie Murphy Jack McCall
Cliff Curtis Dr. Sinja
Kerry Washington Caroline Mc..
Clark Duke Aaron Wiseberger
A brief departure from his regular gig at Universal Studios'You know, making a movie is a collaborative effort and sometimes all the ingredients don't work out. I know that every now and again I am going to make a movie that won't work.' -Eddie Murphy
Make like Ryan Leaf and steal some Percocet
After lying to an Indian guru, to get him to sign a book deal. Literary agent, Jack McCoc finds a Bodhi tree in his back yard. There are one-thousand leaves on this tree. A leaf falls every time Jack speaks a word. He dies if all the leaves fall off the tree.What this movie tries to illustrate most is that the words we speak have consequences.
Normally, you would expect Steve Carell or Jim Carey to play Jack McCall. And Morgan Freeman would play the new-age guru. I suppose they had better things to do.
Jack cannot speak for three days. As you can guess, this makes for some awkward business and social interactions. There is no writing words, but he can play charades with people. No one understands the predicament he's in; concise communication is of the utmost importance.
Personally, I would get one of those Stephen Hawking voice dealies. But that's against the rules. So he can't communicate in English, via his mouth or his hands. Oh, he can talk to animals, but Dr. Doolittle is curiously absent from this adventure. What he ends up doing is using talking action figures to make important conference calls with business clients.
D.J. Be good or you can't watch Howdy Doody
Jack's mother has dementia. His mother frequently confuses him with his deceased father. Comedically, this doesn’t work. Mostly because Eddie Murphy doesn’t play the role of his mother. Unfortunately, all we’re left with is a sad situation.
John Witherspoon usually serves as a vehicle for fart jokes, but here he plays a blind guy crossing the street... oh, and he almost gets hit.
Recently, I reviewed Tower Heist, Eddie was good in this. Furthermore, if we go back a little further to 2006, he plays James 'Thunder' Early in Dreamgirls. 'Member that part where he starts talking off his clothes on live television...that was awesome.
Jimmy want a piece of your chocolate cake
But more than all that Jimmy wants a break
'Cause Jimmy got soul, Jimmy got soul
Granted, it's not, Imagine That (2009), or The Haunted Mansion (2003).
Children make a wish, it’s a falling star
My critics might say that making fun of Eddie Murphy movies is too easy. And to that, I say: you are absolutely correct.
Final Verdict: 20 out of 100
‘It's not the first hooker I've helped out. I've seen hookers on corners and I'll pull over and they'll go, 'Oh you're Eddie Murphy, oh my God,' and I'll empty my wallet out to help.’
A Boy and His Dog (Retro Review)
Vic is in his late teens; he's 'a boy and a man', like that Alice Cooper song. He walks around in the desert all day with a rifle; like Josh Brolin in No Country for Old Men. In his travels, he finds a suitable human female to sleep with. Her name is Quilla June Holmes; she is from the land down under. And no, I'm not going to make a reference to Outback Steakhouse®...or Paul Hogan, for that matter.
Quilla goes back into 'the land down under', and Vic follows her home. There is a society below the Earth's surface called Topeka. Topeka is a Norman Rockwell scene that's gone completely haywire. We'll call it an interesting mix of: Hitler Youth Camp, that city in Children of the Corn, and Topeka, Kansas.
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American Reunion
AMERICAN REUNION
R
113 mins
Director: Jon Hurwitz
Writers: Adam Herz, Jon Hurwitz
Chris Owen, Jason Biggs, Alyson Hannigan, Seann William Scott, Eugene Levy, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Justin Isfeld, Chris Klein, Jennifer Coolidge, Jay Harrington, John Cho, Shannon Elizabeth, Tara Reid
"Were we just as obnoxious as these kids back in the day?"
-Kevin (Character)
Michelle, Jim, Heather, Kevin, Vicki, Finch, Stifler, and Stifler's mom. These characters embark on, yet another journey.
A journey―as sweet and American―as the Apple pie Jason Biggs made love to 13 years ago. All the actors are famous, but not too famous. They all have regular gigs, but could still use the money to feed their kids/addictions.
High school reunion movies and even TV episodes are ever good. What about THE SIMPSONS episode where Homer went to his class reunion? Well, that was no class reunion episode. He never graduated high school. Yeah, he managed to get a GED, but that doesn't count.
High school reunion movies filmed in the late 90s were dreadful. ROMY AND MICHELLE'S HIGH SCHOOL REUNION (1997) comes to mind. These films were about people who went to high school in the late 80s. More recent reunion movies have better soundtracks: Backstreet Boys, Limp Bizkit, Blink 182; need I say more?
You won't believe who hooked up with who.
- Jim and Michelle rekindled the spark in their marriage.
- Stifler's mom and Mr. Levenstein get it on.
- Finch's mom and Stifler. Hold on... let me savor the irony.
Idiotic, sophomoric, tomfoolericific, unsophisticated; but enough about myself. In all fairness, this movie doesn't pretend to be funny serious. However, it does pretend to be original. This is the fourth time I've seen the same AMERICAN PIE film. I figured they might make a good movie on accident.
Chris Klein and Keanu Reeves are identical twins. They look alike, and personality wise; neither of them are capable of portraying a convincing 'smart person'. So no one would catch on, Chris was put in suspended animation for 15 years.
On its own, this movie doesn't work. You need to know, and like the characters from the previous three movies to enjoy this one.
We will see many more sequels. There is no taming this 'AMERICAN PIE' beast. Even if all the actors died in the same plane crash: Buddy Holly style. They would make a documentary called: 'AMERICAN FUNERAL: THE DAY THE MUSIC DIED'. I would be the only critic with enough balls to rag on it.
Final verdict: 30 out of 100 
The Hunger Games
THE HUNGER GAMES
PG-13
144 Minutes
Director: Gary Ross
Writers: Gary Ross, Suzanne Collins, Billy Ray
Jennifer Lawerence, Josh Hutcherson, Liam Hemsworth, Stanley Tucci
The best movie featuring Ice-T and Gary Busey.
CAST
Jennifer Lawrence--Katniss Everdeen
Willow Shields--Primrose Everdeen
Josh Hutcherson--Peeta Mellark
Liam Hemsworth--Gale Hawthorne
Stanley Tucci--Caesar Flickerman
Wes Bentley--Seneca Crane
Elizabeth Banks--Effie Trinket
Woody Harrelson--Haymitch Abernathy
'With these hungry eyes. One look at you and I can't disguise. I've got hungry eyes. I feel the magic between you and I.' -HUNGRY EYES, by Eric Carmen
'In penance for there uprising, each district shall offer up a male and a female between the ages of 12 and 18 at a public reaping.'
There are 12 districts, and only one individual lives. A negative raffle of sorts; reminiscent of THE LOTTERY, by Shirley Jackson. Her younger sister, Primrose (Shields) got selected, but Lawrence volunteered instead.
In the country of 'Panem', which includes all North America. The largest, wealthiest, most powerful city in the entire world is named: 'The Capitol'. Yes, that is the official city name. The writers must have pulled an 'all-nighter' coming up with that one.
I'm not sure what year this is supposed to be; for all I know it could be from the past. Perhaps it's the lost civilization of Atlantis.
The inhabitants of 'The Capitol' look like extras from a Katie Perry video. Except, no one shooting with whipped cream out of their tits.
Haymitch Abernathy (Harrelson) won the games may years ago, he serves as Primrose's mentor. Woody Harrelson is always playing a burnout. It's like Jeremy Piven, he's always playing a dick...with bad hair plugs.
There's a bee hive.
So?
Stand back.
Are you crazy? You'll get stung!
-MY GIRL (1991)
That scene from MY GIRL, whereMacaulay Culkin dies (spoiler alert). They take that scene and make it much deadlier. Except in this movie, it's used as weapon to kill people on purpose.
When the games are going on, the movie is entertaining. Which is about 35% of the film. Jennifer Lawrence's carries most of that 35 percent.
This movie raises many 'Why' questions.
Namely:
- What planet do they live on?
- Are they in a separate, parallel universe?
- Is this parallel universe based on junk science?
- Would people really tolerate this sort of thing?
- How does their economy function?
- What was the point of all this?
THE TRUMAN SHOW, SURVIVOR, RAMBO, and JERSEY SHORE. THE HUNGER GAMES combines all of these things. Which sounds much cooler than it actually is. Stream this on Netflix, when you're hungover...and you don't have anything better to watch.
Final Verdict: 70 out of 100
We did baby!
To mark the one year aniversty of the Garden of E Dunn website (not the blog). It should work on iPhones, Android, and Windows 7 devices. And don't think I forgot about you Symbian users; I didn't... You don't really count. Post under comments if it doesn't work for you.
For Android users: You may have to go to settings;
Non-Market applications (Menu) > Settings > Applications > Unknown sources
