About Time

ABOUT TIME
PG-13
123 Minutes
Director: Richard Curtis
Writer: Richard Curtis
Domhnall Gleeson, Rachel McAdams, Bill Nighy

CAST
Domhnall Gleeson...Tim
Rachel McAdams...Mary
Bill Nighy...Dad
Lydia Wilson...Kit Kat
Lindsay Duncan...Mum

'I'm a sucker for time travel movies.  Even ones with Kenau Reeves.' -E. Dunn

Back To The Future

A great rapper one said life is too short , but maybe it doesn't have to be. This story involves Tim, a young English man. He kind of looks like that ginger kid from Harry Potter. And he comes across as another version of Hugh Grant, except he's charming, and lands all his jokes.

On his 21st birthday, Tim's father tells him he can relive any moment of his life with time travel. To time travel, you go into a closet, clench your fists, and think about the moment you want to travel to. That's the basic premise. There are many caveats, but I don't want to bore you with those details.

If I Could Turn Back Time

In ALADDIN, Robin Williams said you can make people love you. This rule always applies to the movie world, any probably to life is well.  And it's true in this movie. But with Tim's gift, I think he'd have no problem in finding quality women to sleep with. For a 21-year-old man, that's just as good.

This all sounds wonderful. But I'm sure there be a downside. You might experience more tragedy in your life as well. Like all those hangovers. No wait, I've got it. I can avoid that mess by recreating the same drunken night, over and over...brilliant.

GROUNDHOG DAY appears like the most comparable film to ABOUT TIME. But it's very much different. For starters, Bill Murray is in around. Secondly, in GROUNDHOG DAY, the main character lives the same day, indefinitely, and it's not by choice. But in this film, Tim gets to relive any moment of his own life, and live with some of the consequences.

There's an old cliché that no one's perfect. But I've always thought that even if you could be perfect, it isn't like all your problems would end. You'd still have to deal with envious people, intent on ruining your life. At least that's always been my experience. In this story, Tim is perfect. It never felt like he experienced any form of personal tragedy. Perhaps Tim would really experience life this way. Still, this lack of conflict makes me think the movie is missing something. Because there's not enough downside to Tim's 'affliction'. Overall, this issue doesn't detract much from the film.

Perfect The Art Of Dying

Maybe the point of ABOUT TIME is that we shouldn't spend our limited time watching movies, even this one. Although this seems unlikely, that type of message wouldn't take two hours to convey. ABOUT TIME is original thoughtful and life affirming. Watching it will make you feel good: watching-kitten-videos-on-YouTube feel good. Watch this when you feel like it, you've got plenty of time.

Final Verdict: 90 out of 100

Bad Grandpa

BAD GRANDPA
R
92 Minutes
Director: Jeff Tremaine
Writers: Fax Bahr , Spike Jonze, Adam Small, Jeff Tremaine, Johnny Knoxville,
Johnny Knoxville, Jackson Nicoll, Greg Harris

Cast
Johnny Knoxville...Irving Zisman
Jackson Nicoll...Billy
Greg Harris...Chuc

'Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.' -Tennessee Williams, A STREET CAR NAMED DESIRE

BAD GRANDPA expands on a sketch from JACKASS NUMBER 2. Hmmm, interesting, I’m just noticing the joke in that title.

This film is JACKASS, with a fictional story. Which amounts to an Andy Kauffman-esque social experiment. It's fascinating knowing what human beings are capable of in bizarre situations. If I kill someone, I now know that a stranger just might help me dispose of the dead body, no questions asked.

I’m not a comedy snob. I laugh at homeless people all the time. Still though, I've always deemed JACKASS as bad, lowbrow humor. But when I take a second look at those films, I realize they aren't all that bad. And now, I no longer have a problem with Johnny Knoxville, unless he’s in real..ish movies.

We revere, and respect old people, at least publicly. Older folks have more of a reason to act out. I look forward to growing old and senile. Because I can blurt out inappropriate comments, and people think that all is excusable because I'm going to die soon.

Irving is the 'bad' grandpa. It's best to think of him as a thin Wilford Brimley. He has an 8-year-old grandson. The kid is a composite of MAN SHOW Boy, and the kid from BAD SANTA. These two are forced into a cross-country road trip. And wouldn't you know, hilarious hijinks ensue.

This movie's main flaw is it's not consistently funny. The first half was difficult to watch. Because it was just an old guy acting like an asshole. And that type of behavior can't sustain a movie, unless it stars Clint Eastwood. This film became passable in the second half, once Irving actually turned into a human being. By the end of the movie, BAD GRANDPA felt like an obscene, John Hughes film. And I don't mean that in a bad way.

Most people will notice much of the story arc is borrowed from other films. But it doesn't bother me so much. In this context, those borrowed scenes are markedly different; because everything is done with real life in the backdrop. No one was 'in on' any of the gags. And people thought tragic events were unfolding right in front of them. That makes this movie both funny and interesting.

Imagine watching an episode of AMERICA’S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS...and actually laughing. BAD GRANDPA is kind of like that.

Final Verdict: 76 out of 100

Nude Changes

Now that I've got your attention with typo in the blog post title...I have some new changes. In addition to my point system, at the end of every review I will start giving a visual representation of each score. The lower scores are 'BLUE', and the highest scores will garner a 'WELL DUNN', with much in between. I'm implementing this system for future reviews. And I plan to retroactively place these at the end of my old reviews (that process may take awhile). I like this idea, but for the record, it wasn't my idea, so if it doesn't work out, I know who to blame.

Thanks, E. Dunn

Rating System

Escape Plan

ESCAPE PLAN
R
115 Minutes
Director: Mikael Håfström
Writers: Miles Chapman, Jason Keller,
Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, 50 Cent

CAST
Sylvester Stallone…Ray Breslin
Arnold Schwarzenegger…Emil Rottmayer
Jim Caviezel…Hobbes
Vincent D’Onofrio…Lester Clark
Curtis ’50 Cent’ Jackson…Hush

Basic premise: After a 30 year stint for aggravated manslaughter, Ray Breslin becomes a school janitor. Ten minutes later, he holds a classroom hostage. During an 8 hour standoff, Sly murdered and raped an entire class of third graders.  After taking care of business,  Sly surrendered to local authorities. He gets life in prison, and now Breslin plans his escape.

What If Everything Goes Wrong?

Not really, here’s the real story. Ray Breslin escapes from jail, for a living. He tests maximum security prisons, and writes big books on prison security. Ray can break out of any prison designed by man.

Mr. Breslin goes to an off-the-grid, privately run prison. This place houses terrorists, and the monsters that download music illegally. It makes Gitmo look like Chuck E. Cheese. On his first day in the joint, the warden wants to put a little scare into him;  so Ray’s eyes get pinned open, CLOCKWORK ORANGE style. And the warden makes him watch COBRA, once, all the way through.

This Prison Just Exceeded Its Maximum Capacity…Him.

Ray has escaped for decades, but at such an advanced age,  without a constant supply of HGH, his physical condition deteriorates quickly, making escape much more difficult. He’s going to have to rely solely on skill. This is where all that RAMBO/ROCKY/STOP OR MY MOM WILL SHOOT training pays off.

Smart people usually don’t end up in maximum security prison. In LAW AND ORDER:CI, Detective Goren lands himself in jail. All to prove that the prison was killing problem inmates. The premise of that episode was different, still though, both Goren and Ray had to play a pretend, dumb prisoner.

Get Free Or Die Tryin’

Curtis ’50 Cent’ Jackson plays a smart guy with glasses. But don’t worry, this Poindexter proves he is still gangsta as shit.

Vincent D’Onofrio plays the head of a prison security analyst firm…who is secretly evil. He doesn’t want Stallone to leave the jail he’s landed himself in. For the first time, I’m a little disappointed with D’Onofrio here. He is getting a lower placement on my top three actors list.

Current list:
1. Christopher Walken
2. Philip Seymour Hoffman
3. Vincent D’Onofrio
Vince, I’m sorry it had to come down to this.

Arnold and Stallone have a chemistry I didn’t expect. Ten years from now , I could see them doing GRUMPIEST OLD MEN together, this film’s sequel. Someone is going to have to take care of all those members of al-Qaeda that escaped in this movie.

Last Words
 
In any good prison escape film, there’s a final showdown with the warden.  Like you duct tape your hand to an electric chair switch, while Donald Sutherland is sitting down in the chair.  That type of pivotal moment doesn’t exist here, and it’s unfortunate. Still though, I think ESCAPE PLAN is worth seeing. I know this film is bad, yet I can’t take my eyes off it. Nothing is good, everything is predictable. I like it, but you might not. It’s probably best to watch this hung over.

Final Verdict: 70 out of 100

Ghost Chase (Retro)

GHOST CHASE (1987)
89 Minutes
PG
Director: Roland Emmerich
Writers: Roland Emmerich , Thomas Kubisch
Stars: Jason Lively, Tim McDaniel, Jill Whitlow

Cast
Jason Lively…Warren McCloud
Tim McDaniel… Fred
Jill Whitlow…Laurie Sanders
Leonard Lansink…Karl
Paul Gleason…Stan Gordon
Unknown Voice Over Actor…Louis (Alien Butler)

So My Granfather’s Butler Is An Alien

Everything in this movie was so convoluted, where do I start?

Warren McCloud gets a grandfather clock after his rich grandfather dies. The details are sketchy, but I believe the grandfather committed a murders-suicide, and his buttler died in the same incident. A lot of money is hidden in the McCloud estate.

This grandfather clock contains the spirit of the butler. One night, when the clock rang 12, the butler comes back as a ghost, but not just any ghost, one that inhabits the body of an animatronic alien, movie prop. He’s knows of a large inheritance that is owed to the person he’s haunting.

The principal from THE BREAKFAST CLUB plays the villain, Stan Gordon. I don’t know what motivates his behavior. This villain has one of his über-German cronies follow Warren and his friends. I think he wants the clock or something.

When I looked at the movie synopsis, I was under the impression the ghost would take over the body of a real alien. That’s something no one has done. Regardless of how good it was, I would still want to see a movie where an alien got possessed by a ghost, perhaps ALF. But a ghost inhabiting a doll, that is not interesting. That TED movie only worked because a ghost wasn’t involved.

While We’re On The Subject…

If I were a ghost, and got to inhabit a doll, I’d pick Teddy Ruxpin. I’d sound normal when a kid’s parents were around. Then, I don’t know…I’d have him run personal errands, and freak random people out. But I would only freak out crazy people. Because no one’s going to believe their story.

Questions

• Where did the alien butler find butler clothes in his size?


• How does the butler the reach the pedals when he drives a car?


• What’s this movie about?

On the surface this film looks derivative. Mostly because of the Yoda-ET-hybrid animatronic doll. But it’s not derivative. As a whole, this type of film has never been done before. And it should never be done again.

It looks like director, Roland Emmerich (INDEPENDENCE DAY, STARGATE), has a blemish, on an otherwise perfect cannon of studio art.

Ending On A Positive Note

That alien doll was kind of neat. I liked his accent, and overall personality. So in good conscience, I can’t possibly give this movie a zero.

Final Verdict: 10 out of 100
Sidenote: There is an uncut, PG-13 version of this film. It’s about 12 minutes longer. Be forwarned, this extra footage includes drinking, smoking, and profanity. It’s difficult to find this uncut movie, unless you want a German-dubbed, VHS copy.

Gravity

GRAVITY
91 Minutes
PG-13
Director: Alfonso Cuarón
Writers: Alfonso Cuarón, Jonás Cuarón
Sandra Bullock, George Clooney, Ed Harris

Cast
Sandra Bullock…Ryan Stone
George Clooney…Matt Kowalski
Ed Harris…Mission Control (voice)

I Believe I Can Fly
I Believe I Can Touch The Sky
I BELIEVE I CAN FLY, R Kelly

Space movies usually aren’t very convincing. Until now, you really had to suspend disbelief to get through a film, or episode of MAGIC SCHOOL BUS. Have you seen CONTACT? There is absolutely no way Matthew McConaughey would ever be interested in Jodie Foster. But I digress. I think the only space movie that’s as convincing as GRAVITY is 2001: A SPACE ODYSSEY.

I Think About It Every Night And Day
I Spread My Wings And Fly Away

Think of GRAVITY as TITANIC in the sky. Without the romantic chemistry between the two main characters. Matt and Ryan are working on an American space station. When they’re 8² miles high, they get wind of a possible PERFECT STORM of blown-up, satellite parts. They didn’t take the warning seriously until space junk came hurling toward them. At this point, they understood the GRAVITY of the situation. Getting out of this SPACE JAM will be difficult.

I don’t want to spoil anything, but George Clooney was dead the whole time…just kidding, I’m not ruining a movie this good.

I hate to get political, but all this happened because of the American debt crisis. When you don’t fund NASA properly, bad things can happen. Just the other day, I was unable to retrieve pictures of Saturn from the internet…for this review. But for Ryan and Matt, things are slightly tougher.

I Believe I Can Soar
I See Me Running Through That Open Door

I only had one issue with this film. The cast members weren’t nearly attractive enough (for their age). But seriously, I didn’t get what the original mission was. The project Ryan, and Matt were working on before everything went wrong. I guess it’s not that important.

If you don’t like George Clooney, speaking hypothetically, I can’t really say I know such a person, nor could I even imagine such a person…no, I mean beast. A Clooney-hating beast unworthy of inhabiting planet earth, or the firey hell below our feet. Yes, I believe that even inhuman monsters will enjoy GRAVITY. Watch this in an IMAX theater, with 3D glasses.

I Believe I Can Fly
I Believe I Can Fly
I Believe I Can Fly

FInal Verdict: 95 out of 100

Battle Of The Year

BATTLE OF THE YEAR
110 Minutes
PG-13
Director: Benson Lee
Writers: Brin Hill, Chris Parker
Josh Holloway, Josh Peck, Chris Brown

'They're in a class all by themselves. They're the best
at what they do. And not you or anybody
is gonna take that away.'
-Christopher McDonald, BREAKIN' (1984)

Cast
Josh Holloway('Sawyer')...Jason Blake
Laz Alonso...Dante Graham
Josh Peck ...Franklyn
Chris Brown...Rooster'

The director of BATTLE OF THE YEAR, Benson Lee, made the good documentary, PLANET B-BOY, on which this movie is based. But his brilliance doesn’t transcend into the fictional world of break dancing. I think it’s because, with documentaries, well...they're hard to screw up.

From what I gathered, the basic premise is: America invented hip hop, if we don’t have the best B-Boy team in the world, then we might as well have spit on the troops that stormed the beaches in Normandy.

And thus, a coalition of freakishly talented dancers formed into, what some might call: a ‘Dream Team’. This ‘Dream Team’ may not have Michael Jordan, or Magic Johnson, but it does have one of Shawn Kemp’s kids.

‘You call yourself the ‘Dream Team’…more like the Dream Girls.’

Issues With This Film

-There isn't a token white girl, whose rich, unhip, conservative dad disapproves of her street thuggery, and the colored folks she associates with.

-Josh Peck is an assistant coach. I don't know how such an assistant would occupy his time. He's just standing there, with a clipboard and whistle, not offering anything of value to anyone.

-The trailer said this was coming out in January. Everyone knows that's when all the good movies come out. I hate being lied to.

-America's final dance was gimmicky. They did a routine blindfolded. Completely undermining the fundamentals of B-Boying. That should have been grounds for disqualification.

-Their choice of dancing attire seemed unimaginative.

-This is playing in actual movie theaters.

-There not being nearly enough of MTV's 'Sway'.

Things I Did Like

-I didn’t mind the lack of historical inaccuracy. Because it means a predictable film becomes slightly less so.
-Josh Holloway is doing alright for himself.
-The actors portrayal of the real people from the documentary were spot-on. I mean this in appearance (e.i. the sideways Yankee hat), and in overall dooshiness.
- Accurate subtitles for German, French, and Korean spoken language parts.

’For someone like me, this shit is it man. I’m never going to get another shot at this…ever.’

The Movie’s Conclusion: Breakin' Bad

Rooster twisted an ankle in practice, right before the big game. The coach promptly told him to make like Chris Brown and beat it. You can’t do much with crutches, except break your team’s chances of winning. Someone needed to replace rooster. So they brought back the guy kicked off the team for selling crack.

The Americans made it to the world championship. But in the end, the Koreans won. Don’t worry though, everything was on the up-and-up. This wasn’t like Roy Jones Jr getting robbed of the gold in 1988. America came in a less-than-respectable 2nd place. Which is a smart move. All that unfinished business leaves the door open for a sequel.

The strangest moment came toward the end. The coach started talking. He got all teary eyed, and starts talking about losing his family in a car wreck. Oh, that’s why he was drinking out of a flask, and acting like a dick. And the film ends on that note.

All My Complaints Pale In Comparison To This One Thing…

I’ve seen every dance movie, from STEPPIN’ UP to YOU GOT SERVED. I even remeber the part of FORREST GUMP, where he dances with his bloodhound to SWEET HOME ALABAMA. As an expert in dance movie, I can definitely say that this movie lacks Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Gray. And ultimately, that alone, killed it for me.

Final Verdict: 12 out of 100

Rush

RUSH
R
123 Minutes
Director: Ron Howard
Writer: Peter Morgan
Daniel Brühl, Chris Hemsworth, Olivia Wilde

CAST
Daniel Brühl…Niki Lauda
Chris Hemsworth...James Hunt
Olivia Wilde…Suzy Miller
Alexandra Maria Lara…Marlene Lauda

Ron Howard: Why do you think I stopped acting and became a director?
Homer: I don’t know, because you weren’t cute anymore?
THE SIMPSONS, BABF02

A couple of months ago, if you asked me if I wanted to see RUSH. I would have been like, ‘no. no, man, shit, no, man’, I’d start swinging a broken pool cue at your face. And then you would have said, ‘oh, no I’m not talking about the band, its a Formula 1 racing movie’. I’d calm down, and think that it would be a crappy movie, like a POLE POSITION Video game movie.

The movie trailers over-hyped the merits of this film. That is my main issue with RUSH. It’s not bad, it’s about as entertaining as this type of film can be. I would go as far as to say that this is the best Formula 1 racing movie since DRIVEN. Watching this is not a life changing experience, unless you’ve lead a rather uninteresting life.

RUSH, another movie from the guy who gave us COCOON, THE DIVINCI CODE, and black stereotypes.

Hammer Time

James Hunt plays a British playboy-mack. With long, blonde hair, reminiscent of Fabio in his younger days. Before he tangled up with father time.

The Man Without A Face

Daniel Brühl is the conservative, overly-analytical Austrian. One look at him, and you know he’s no fun at parties. Like the Perrier guy in TALLADEGA NIGHTS.

Two competitive guys, in an epic rivalry, on par with Wilson and Kaepernick. The only difference is both of these drivers are very talented. You find yourself rooting for the carefree guy, there isn’t any other option. No one wants a guy with a stick up his ass to win anything.

The soundtrack is kind of what you’d expect. Seventies rock, that really isn’t that bad…I guess. If I were directing this, I would put Elton John’s CIRCLE OF LIFE somewhere, because it just seems appropriate.

Behind the veil of historical accuracy, they created a cigarette ad. When James Hunt wasn’t driving a Marlboro car he was smoking one. To me it’s not a big deal, but it’s a big part of the movie.

I learned many important life lessons from watching this movie

• Some things are more important than winning car race. Like screwing models, and looking good.


• Rush can mean energetic euphoria; or one be in a rush, as in pressed for time.
  


• You can win a race, but there are no real winners in life.


• Don’t intentionally hurt people when you’re driving.


• Live each day like it was your last.


• It’s about the journey not the destination.

The Ultimate Finish Line

James Hunt lived dangerously, without any consideration of the future. In keeping with his life philosophy, I suggest you watch this on your phone while you’re driving and texting. But only do this if you’re in a rush.

Final Verdict: 80 out of 100