Bad Neighbors

BAD NEIGHBORS R 96 Minutes Director: Nicholas Stoller Writers: Andrew J. Cohen, Brendan O'Brien

CAST Seth Rogen...Mac Radner Rose Byrne...Kelly Radner Ike Barinholtz...Jimmy Zac Efron...Teddy Sanders Dave Franco...Pete

Mr. And Mrs. Buzz Kill Would Like To Welcome You To Our Neighborhood

Okay, let me set the scene for you. An obnoxious fraternity, Delta Psi, moves next to a young family. But wait, you're not going to believe what happens next. The frat and the family start out as friends. But tensions soon rise after the fraternity starts acting like a fraternity. Before long, there is an all out war: good guys versus bad guys. And just like with POLTERGEIST, moving to another home isn't going to destroy the beings that haunt them at night.

Movies featuring Seth Rogen have been funny. But I don't know if he can make a film funny on his own. Just take a look at THE GUILT TRIP. This is the first time Seth Rogen doesn't smoke pot in a movie. No I'm kidding, but it was the first time he got high on shrooms and pot in the same scene. Somehow, pot smoking gets worked into all Seth's movies. Even in 50/50, the film about a guy with terminal cancer.

If I'm watching a Seth Rogen movie, I know James Franco will probably show up somewhere. But he didn't. Don't fret though, we did get a guy who looks like James Franco, named Dave Franco.

Zac Efron's character is the party-animal president of Delta Psi, whose fraternity is on probation. The real Zac (without an h) did party too much, but it was only to prepare for his role on DR. DREW'S CELEBRITY REHAB...I mean BAD NEIGHBORS. As a method actor, not showing up hung over to the movie set would be unprofessional.

Would You Keep It Down Some Of Us Squares Are Trying To Sleep

I'm not saying you should avoid this film. There were funny moments, sparsely scattered throughout the film. It has enough solid laughs to get a B-Grade, but BAD NEIGHBORS doesn't quite make the dean's list. If you want to see a better movie starting with the word BAD, I recommend BAD SANTA or BAD GRANDPA.

Final Verdict: 80 out 100

A Madea Christmas

A MADEA CHRISTMAS
PG-13
100 Minutes
Director: Tyler Perry
Writer: Tyler Perry
Tyler Perry, Chad Michael Murray, Tika Sumpter

Cast
Tyler Perry...Madea
Anna Maria Horsford...Eileen
Tika Sumpter...Lacey

GOTCHA!

ANCHORMAN II
PG-13
119 Minutes
Director: Adam McKay
Writers: Will Ferrell, Adam McKay
Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd, Christina Applegate

Cast
Will Ferrell...Ron Burgundy
Christina Applegate...Veronica Corningstone
David Koechner..Champ Kind
Steven Carell...Brick Tamland
Paul Rudd...Brian Fantana
James Marsden...Jack Lime

'She said it! Summer just showed up out of nowhere! It's like a visit from you, Cass - unannounced and uncomfortable.'-SNL, MORNING LATTE (S25E19)

I hope everyone enjoys my Christmas present. What is it? I'm not reviewing Tyler Perry's A MADEA CHRISTMAS. Is not getting something a gift. Yes, a lack of presence can be the greatest present you never received. It's like having a degenerate, alcoholic uncle, who ruins Christmas every year. But let's say, he doesn't show up this year: if that's not a present, then by golly, it's a full-on, Christmas miracle. So Merry Christmas everyone, I'm reviewing ANCHOR MAN II.

This ANCHORMAN was about as good as the first one. Both films follow a similar formula. But that's not really an issue here, because it's funny. About three-quarters the way in, this film dragged a bit. This is the only flaw. But the moment you became bored, things picked up a bit. Like a Judd Apatow comedy, ANCHORMAN II was just a little too long.

This movie finished strong. Will Smith always said he didn't do cameos, only starring roles...with his children co-starring. But I'm glad he made an exception here. In this movie, Will dressed like he did in that episode of FRESH PRINCE, where he pretended to be Ashley's father in a parent-teacher conference. I don't remember what character he'd played here. Maybe a golf caddy. All kidding aside, Smith's presence was most fresh indeed.

Jim Carrey, it's good to have you back. I mean that. I hope this means an end to that long stretch of bad movies you've been in for the past eight years.

The best character in this whole movie is played by John C Reilly, he doesn't say much. If I told you his part, it would just ruin it.

Steve Carell's character was even funnier this time around. He finds love with Kristen Whiig, an equally dumb character. The same way Michael Scott found love on THE OFFICE.

Generally, I've always believed that the more a movie is promoted, the worse it is. But it's not true with ANCHORMAN II. This film is good enough, where a word of mouth campaign would have sufficed. As opposed to the overwhelming marketing campaign going on. Those Dodge Durango commercials are a bit much.

Merry Christmas readers, stay classy.

Final Verdict: 80 out of 100

Bad Grandpa

BAD GRANDPA
R
92 Minutes
Director: Jeff Tremaine
Writers: Fax Bahr , Spike Jonze, Adam Small, Jeff Tremaine, Johnny Knoxville,
Johnny Knoxville, Jackson Nicoll, Greg Harris

Cast
Johnny Knoxville...Irving Zisman
Jackson Nicoll...Billy
Greg Harris...Chuc

'Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.' -Tennessee Williams, A STREET CAR NAMED DESIRE

BAD GRANDPA expands on a sketch from JACKASS NUMBER 2. Hmmm, interesting, I’m just noticing the joke in that title.

This film is JACKASS, with a fictional story. Which amounts to an Andy Kauffman-esque social experiment. It's fascinating knowing what human beings are capable of in bizarre situations. If I kill someone, I now know that a stranger just might help me dispose of the dead body, no questions asked.

I’m not a comedy snob. I laugh at homeless people all the time. Still though, I've always deemed JACKASS as bad, lowbrow humor. But when I take a second look at those films, I realize they aren't all that bad. And now, I no longer have a problem with Johnny Knoxville, unless he’s in real..ish movies.

We revere, and respect old people, at least publicly. Older folks have more of a reason to act out. I look forward to growing old and senile. Because I can blurt out inappropriate comments, and people think that all is excusable because I'm going to die soon.

Irving is the 'bad' grandpa. It's best to think of him as a thin Wilford Brimley. He has an 8-year-old grandson. The kid is a composite of MAN SHOW Boy, and the kid from BAD SANTA. These two are forced into a cross-country road trip. And wouldn't you know, hilarious hijinks ensue.

This movie's main flaw is it's not consistently funny. The first half was difficult to watch. Because it was just an old guy acting like an asshole. And that type of behavior can't sustain a movie, unless it stars Clint Eastwood. This film became passable in the second half, once Irving actually turned into a human being. By the end of the movie, BAD GRANDPA felt like an obscene, John Hughes film. And I don't mean that in a bad way.

Most people will notice much of the story arc is borrowed from other films. But it doesn't bother me so much. In this context, those borrowed scenes are markedly different; because everything is done with real life in the backdrop. No one was 'in on' any of the gags. And people thought tragic events were unfolding right in front of them. That makes this movie both funny and interesting.

Imagine watching an episode of AMERICA’S FUNNIEST HOME VIDEOS...and actually laughing. BAD GRANDPA is kind of like that.

Final Verdict: 76 out of 100

Clear History

CLEAR HISTORY
NR
Director: Greg Mottola
Writers: Larry David, Alec Berg, David Mandel, Jeff Schaffe
Jon Hamm, Michael Keaton, Larry David

Cast
Jon Hamm...Will Haney
Kate Hudson...Rhonda
Larry David... Raleigh/Nathan Flahm

Today I'm  reviewing CLEAR HISTORY. It's not what it sounds like. This isn't about a pedophile that unsuccessfully deletes his browser history, during his sixth grade English class.

Will Haney and Nathan Flahm  start out as business partners in the early days of an electric car company. Nathan sells his 10 percent share of the company back to Will, because he thought 'Howard' was a bad name for a car. Unable to deal with being ostracized and humiliated for being that guy that blew a billion dollars. Nathan loses his hair, and gains a new identity, 'Raleigh'.

What follows is an epic revenge on a former business partner. We already know nothing will work out for him. But how bad will things get? If you want a hint, watch the REVENGE episode of SEINFELD. Where George puts a Mickey in his old boss's cocktail.

In case you were wondering, the electric car is named 'Howard', after the college featured in Bill Cosby's show, A DIFFERENT WORLD, and not after William Howard Taft.

'I must right this wrong.'

Jon Hamm was the best part. I thought that was true of SUCKER PUNCH as well. I can't help but notice how he brings a little Don Draper to all his roles. The way John Wayne brings alcoholism to all of his titles.

Michael Keaton, wow, he always was a comedian, it's easy to forget sometimes. It took awhile, but I think he's finally moved past BATMAN and a whole host of other bad films.

Is there enough content for a movie?

Comedically, Larry David is beyond talented. But being funny doesn't make you a good film maker.  They rarely coexist, just look at Martin Lawrence.

CLEAR HISTORY felt like an overly long CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM EPISODE. While it was funny, it just didn't feel like a movie. Ultimately, I have to judge made for TV movies by a lower standard.  Seeing this at a theater would have disappointed me. Additionally, I must doc points for the CHICAGO soundtrack. For clarification, I'm not talking about the soundtrack to the film, CHICAGO, but rather the musical stylings of THE CHICAGO TRANSIT AUTHORITY.

But on a Saturday night, sitting on a couch, with nothing to do, but write a movie review, I would be pleasantly surprised with what I saw.

Final Verdict: 80 out of 100

Blind Fury (Retro)

BLIND FURY (1989)
86 min
R
Director: Phillip Noyce
Writers: Ryôzô Kasahara, Charles Robert Carner
Rutger Hauer, Terry O'Quinn, Brandon Call

Not To Be Confused With The Rapper 'Blind Fury'Cast
Rutger Hauer...Nick Parker
Terry O'Quinn...Frank Devereaux
Brandon Call...Billy Devereaux
Noble Willingham...MacCready
Randall 'Tex' Cobb...Slag

'I also do circumcisions.'
-Nick Parker

Ray Charles Played The Piano, But This Guy Will Play You For A Fool.

Making fun of the blind is the only thing that offends me. Don't get me wrong. I like a Helen Keller joke as much as the next guy. But those jokes come across as crass and offensive in movie form. Like in DUMB AND DUMBER, when Lloyd sold a dead parakeet to a blind kid. Okay, that was funny, but it's the exception that proves the rule.

In movies, disabled people can carry out a great deal. The KARATE KID fought with one leg. TOM HANKS had AIDS in PHILADELPHIA. And then there was Kevin Costner in that one movie.

At first glance, BLIND FURY looks like THE BOOK OF ELI or DAREDEVIL. What separates this film from those titles is the vague semblance of humor. On a related note, I urge you not to take the R-rating too seriously. At its core, this is a light-hearted fare. Think of it as a violent Disney movie with profanity.

BLIND FURY is based on the Japanese TV series, ZATOICHI. Which was about a blind, American guy, who's proficient in the art of saber-rattling.

Nick Parker is a sword fighter, blinded as a soldier in Vietnam. Without a futuristic, LeVar Burton-esque device to replace his sense of sight; he has to fight his battles with a giant sword.

Where Do I Know Those Actors From?

The young kid, played by Brandon Call, was Patrick Duffy's oldest son (not Cody) on STEP BY STEP. In this movie, the blind guy has to take care of the kid. Because one night, his mom got loaded...with shot gun shells, rendering her lifeless body useless in the realm of child care.

JOHN LOCKE from LOST, or as he is more commonly known, by his earth name, Terry O'Quinn. In this movie, his character makes designer drugs, well, he used to, and now he has to again. He's Billy's father, but you'd never know it unless you glanced at the credits.

I love all the crazed Vietnam veteran characters in films. RAMBO is the most obvious example. But my favourite is Jerry O'Connell in THE SIXTIES miniseries. After coming back from the war, he grows his hair out, wreaking havoc on American society.

Conclusion

BLIND FURY was falsely advertised. First issue, I looked, and there was no one named 'Fury' in the cast. Also, from the previews I thought I was going to watch an unapologetically bad, offensive movie. One I could poke fun at, mercilessly. But instead, I got something mildly amusing. And lastly, after watching the whole thing, I found out this Nick Parker character isn't blind at all, just visually impaired.

Final Verdict: 72 out of 100

Grown Ups 2

GROWN UPS II
PG-13
111 Minutes
Director: Dennis Dugan
Writers: Fred Wolf, Adam Sandler
Adam Sandler, Salma Hayek, Kevin James, Kurt McKenzie

Cast
Adam Sandler…Lenny Feder
Salma Hayek…Roxanne Chase-Feder
Kevin James…Eric Lamonsoff
Chris Rock…Kurt McKenzie

The deeper we fall
The stronger we stay
And we’ll be better
The second time around
STEP BY STEP (THEME SONG)

BILLY MADISON PART VII

Walking into this, I knew, the second movie would be better than the first GROWN UPS. Because movie ratings don’t go less than zero.

GROWN UPS (1) made so much money,  Adam Sandler gave Maseratis to the main cast members, and he still had enough money left over to make a sequel.

BEDTIME STORIES

The main plot, from what I could tell. The old guys, and a local fraternity are at war. Over a swimming quarry, and who it belongs to. The Alpha Betas are the whitest, waspiest, college guys ever.  And the grand finale involves a battle between the two groups.

Nick Swardson, star of the worst movie ever made, BUCKY LARSON, replaces, Rob Schneider in GROWN UPS II. He plays a burnout bus driver (think ‘Auto’ from THE SIMPSONS) with complete perfection.

Let’s move on to a man who’s made the second worst movie of all time. Former NBA baller, and basketball player, Shaquille ‘The Shamrock’ O’Neil. In Miami, he’s banned from lawn enforcement, not for making KAZAAM, but for using foul language in a freestyle rap…while drunk at a concert. Which is interesting, since  the ‘man of steel’ released five profanity-laced, studio albums before becoming a police officer. Anyway, the rap was about Kobe.  O’Neil should get a free pass; or does the Miami Beach Sheriff think that raping hotel employees is cool? But I digress. O’Neil’s desire to implement the law is still intact. In GROWN UPS II, he plays a cop, who isn’t too keen on law and order. Shaq is kind of funny in this role,  which is more than I can say about most of the cast.

The blonde kid from HARRY POTTER is at it again. Here, he  runs a summer camp for special needs kids…No, I’m joking, he’s playing a dooshy frat guy. And that’s the type of guy he will play, forever. That is, unless Macaulay Culkin dies during the filming of HOME ALONE 10: LOST IN THE NURSING HOME. In which case, he would make a suitable replacement.

GROWN UPS DRIVER

‘We’re irrelevant, we’re losers. You saw the way those frat guys treated us.’

What’s most upsetting is the waste of comedic talent. Except for David Spade, all these comedians are capable of much more, hilarity.

Now we get a second movie that no one asked for. No wait, that’s wrong, many people wanted this sequel. Not me though, I thought  a sub-par sequel might tarnish the legacy of the GROWN UPS franchise. But I was wrong: GROWN UPS II surpassed my expectations.

Final Verdict: 28 out of 100
Sidenote: Stayed tuned for a retro review of BLIND FURY.

This Is The End

THIS IS THE END
R
103 Minutes
Directors: Evan Goldberg, Seth Rogen
Writers: Seth Rogen, Evan Goldberg, Jason Stone
James Franco, Jonah Hill, Seth Rogen

CAST (Everyone Plays Themselves)
James Franco
Jonah Hill
Seth Rogen
Jay Baruchel                                                                                                  
Danny McBride
Craig Robinson

Warning: There are some spoilers in this. If you don't want the movie spoiled, watch the movie, and finish reading this review later.

Given the title of this movie, it would be easy to quote DOORS lyrics. But that's like playing the song, 'IRON MAN', at the end of the IRON MAN movie. Anyway, a wise man, whose name escapes me at the moment, once said '...the end is always near.'

Of all the places on earth, Hollywood, is the closest thing to hell on earth. So appropriately enough, our story starts in Hollywood, (the city-not the planet).

The Meek Shall Inherit The Earth

During a party at Franco's house. The rapture begins. The evil people are sucked down into hell, and the good people get sucked up into heaven.

This film is about a group of funny men who have to repent for their earthly sins, which mainly include YOUR HIGHNESS, and that awful GREEN HORNET movie.

This movie plot is plausible, because celebrities tend to keep an enormous reserve of emergency supplies. If there is ever a standoff with the police, they've got a month's supply of food, drink, and recreational supplies.

I liked the heaven scene toward the end. It reminds me of THE RIGHTEOUS BROTHERS song about 'Rock & Roll Heaven'. And in this picture, that 'hell of a band' is... you guessed it, THE BACKSTREET BOYS. Forget about the rest of the film. The Backstreet Boys reunion, alone, is worth the price of a matinee.

In my version of eternal paradise, there are seven circles of heaven. When I die, I'll be kickin' it on the top circle with Ghandi, Jesus and Kirk Cameron. We'd have these wild parties, do blow all night, and invite hookers from the sixth circle up to hang out and watch episodes of PERFECT STRANGERS.

Notable Fictional Depictions Of Heaven

-2PACALYPSE NOW
2pac in the 'I AIN'T MADE AT MAD AT CHA' music video. He predicted his own untimely demise, and he had a bunch of cool cats hanging out with him in the clouds: Redd Foxx, Jimi Hendrix, Bob Marley, Nat King Cole, Miles Davis, Marvin Gaye, Billie Holiday, Don King, Florence Ballard, Sammy Davis Jr., and Louis Armstrong.
-TITANIC (1997)
They had to end the movie on a positive note, you can't just have people drowning. That's not only predictable, but depressing as well. At the end, the heaven Rose goes to is the Titanic. She's spending eternity in a ship on the perpetual verge of sinking. That doesn't sound so heavenly.
-7TH HEAVEN
While it didn't literally take place in heaven. One hour
a week, I was fooled into thinking heaven is a place on earth.

THIS IS THE END is not good, it's SUPERBAD.

THIS IS THE END
OF MY REVIEW.

Final Verdict: 87 out of 100

This is 40

THIS IS 40
R
134 Minutes
Director: Judd Apatow
Writer: Judd Apatow
Paul Rudd, Leslie Mann, Albert Brooks, John Lithgow

Cast
Paul Rudd--Pete
Leslie Mann--Debbie
Maude Apatow--Sadie
Iris Apatow--Charlotte
John Lithgow--Oliver
Megan Fox--Desi
Albert Brooks--Larry

I've always given Judd Apatow a free pass because I love FREAKS AND GEEKS (1999) so much.  But not all his projects of been so excellent. Still, to his credit, he hasn't had any epic, Adam Sandler-scale failures, thus far.

THIS IS 40 picks up where KNOCKED UP left off. Except, the main character,  Seth Rogen, isn't around. I get the feeling that Seth was probably in the first draft of the screenplay, in some capacity, but couldn't appear in it because he was doing that other 'comedy' with 'Babs'. It's frustrating, I'm curious and I'd like a little closure. How did it all worked for those two crazy kids, and their love child? And what about that pornographic website start-up? It was supposed to make enough income to pay for the kid's future ivy league education.

Lesley Mann is the wife of Judd Apatow. So it's merely coincidental,  that she and her two daughters star in the movie he directed. Oh, man, I wish there was an emoticon for sarcasm. This is the worst case of nepotism since the Wayans family debacle on IN LIVING COLOR. But in reality, the Apatow clan functions exceptionally well, as both a fictional and a real family. It certainly made for a better, more authentic movie.

Debbie's father is played by John Lithgow. He's one of the more fascinating characters in the story. There's a side to this actor I've never noticed. Because of his role on CLIFFHANGER, and (1993) THIRD ROCK FROM THE SUN; I'm used to John Lithgow acting all flamboyant, and animated.  Even when he played that psychopath on DEXTER;  the character was a low-key, serious guy, who never made a spectacle of himself. John's  character, in this film, is very dead-pan, perfecting a very Newhart-ian style of comedy.

Megan Fox...looking good. She's a damn fine prostitute ...in this movie, that is.

The actors, themselves, are not to blame for the film's shortcomings. There's a depth to the characters that's not often seen in comedies. The problem lies within the narrative.  The script wanders too far, and too often. The right conclusion can make up for all that wandering. But here, the conclusion just doesn't feel right. Like an afterthought.

In summary: the only thing wrong with this movie is the lack of fart and dick jokes.

Final Verdict: 80 out of 100

Here Comes The Boom

HERE COMES THE BOOM
PG
105 Minutes
Director: Frank Coraci
Writers: Kevin James, Rock Reuben, Allan Loeb
Kevin James, Henry Winkler, Salma Hayek

Cast                                                                                                                                           Kevin James … Scott Boom
Salma Hayek … Bella Flores
Henry Winkler … Marty Streb
Greg Germann … Principal Betcher
Joe Rogan … Himself

People are always bad mouthing PAUL BLART. I say it doesn’t get enough credit. In the previews, it looked awful, but it’s a solid C- film. So I gave this movie a chance, and I left the theater completely devastated.

The film unfolded like an episode of KING OF QUEENS; except with the sitcom, you can hear laughter in the background.

I know this sounds like that movie WARRIOR. Unlike WARRIOR, the face of MMA, and miscellaneous douchary, Joe Rogaine…I mean Rogan, is in this one.

I used most of my UFC jokes on that WARRIOR movie. But I haven’t used those KFC jokes yet. Kevin James lost 80 pounds to play an out-of-shape, high school biology teacher.

Mr. Boom is a science teacher. A budget shortfall might end all extracurricular activities. He needs to solve this. Boom used to wrestle in high school. Naturally, he assumes entering an MMA competition would be the best way to fix this budget issue. So everyday after school, Jackie Chan gives him the martial arts training he so badly needs.

Hot For (a) Teacher

Scott is an astute character. He knows Salma Hayek is far enough past her prime, where a high school teacher could easily date her.

You got to have some contrived conflict between the romantic interest and another woman. But that never happens. HERE COMES THE BOOM is too good for such clichés, and coherent plot lines.

Henry Winkler is good, he’s always at least tolerable, even in bad films. Just once, it would be nice to see him as ‘The Fonz’ again, like an adult, Principle ‘Fonz’ that sleeps with all the female faculty members. I’m including the unattractive ones as well. Because, well, he’s just that kind of guy.

Scott’s opponent had the same entrance music: ‘HERE COMES THE BOOM’…AWK-WERD… It goes against the general etiquette practiced in the Mixed Martial Arts world. The other guy knew the song didn’t belong to him. It’s kind of like two women wearing the same dress before fighting each other in the octagon.

Who’s the Voss?

I almost forgot. His real last name isn’t Boom. It’s Voss, but does it really matter? While it’s definitely plausible, I almost forgot. His real last name isn’t Boom. It’s Voss, but does it really matter? While it’s definitely plausible, that’s really more the domain of Tyler Perry.

I’d say they intentionally tried to make a bad movie, but that would have required some forethought.

Final Verdict: 30 out of 100

The Watch

THE WATCH

111 Minutes

R

Director: Akiva Schaffer

Writers: Seth Rogen, Evan Goldberg

Ben Stiller, Vince Vaughn, Jonah Hill, Richard Ayoade

Cast

Ben Stiller as Evan

Vince Vaughn as Bob

Jonah Hill as Franklin

Richard Ayoade as Jamarcus

Rosemarie DeWitt as Evan's wife

Will Forte as Sergeant Bressman

'...Cause for real, a mind is a terrible thing to waste' - DEAD PREZ 

The Plot

Three kids, Evan, Bob, and Franklin stumble upon a rare Casio wrist watch. They accidentally discover that they can manipulate time with this device. Which only leads to a series of immature pranks. Like traveling to 1973, so they could pull down the pants of Henry Kissinger, as he accepted the Nobel Peace Prize.

No, this isn't really what the movie is about. But I kind of wish it was. Everyone involved with THE WATCH is capable of making a better movie. I wouldn't call it half-baked, but rather a full baked idea. THE WATCH is an incomplete movie that started out with a good enough idea, but clearly someone got bored in the middle (or closer to the beginning) of making this.

ILLEGAL ALIENS WORKING AT COSTCO

Ben Stiller plays a Costco manager, who has a rather boring and predictable life in the suburbs. Upon arriving at work one morning, the police tell him that the night security guard is disemboweled, but not by aliens.

This is not the Ben you love from TROPIC THUNDER, he's the full-on, NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM/MEET THE PARENTS-Ben Stiller.

The police department doesn't know what they're doing. So Evan vows to avenge the murder of his kinda-work-friend. At this point, he knows nothing of aliens, or their planned invasion. So Evan, Bob, Franklin, and Jamarcus form the neighborhood watch. This is where the supposed fun begins...

'He Walks Amongst Us, But He Is Not One Of Us.'

One of the neighborhood watchmen is an alien. He's the actor you never heard of. 

Vince Vaughn's character is just that dumb white guy in any commercial. You know the guy: when his wife is on vacation, he blows up the kitchen, trying to cook breakfast for the kids. Uh-oh, someone should have picked up McGriddles at the drive through.

That's A Wrap

You should buy this movie. That's right, I said that. Go to Costco, and buy several copies of THE WATCH. Then you take the movie cases from that box set of GAME OF THRONES, that you own. Make fake labels for the DVDs themselves, so everything looks completely legitimate. Then, give it as a present on April Fools' Day, with a post-it that says, 'because I love you'.  Two months later, when said person actually wants to watch GAME OF THRONES, they'll notice that all the discs are copies of this crappy movie. From there, I'd imagine you might become the victim of domestic violence. 

Final Verdict: 45  out of 100

Ted

TED
R         
106 Minutes
Director: Seth MacFarlane
Writers:Seth MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin, Wellesley Wild    
Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Seth MacFarlane     

Cast
Mark Wahlberg John Bennett
Mila Kunis Lori Collins
Seth MacFarlane Ted (voice)
Joel McHale Giovanni Ribisi         
Patrick Stewart Narrator
Sam J. Jones  Himself

Ever since I saw Mark Wahlberg in that music video, I knew he could be funny in other things. Then there was PLANET OF THE APES. At this point, I had lost all faith in the man; perhaps he couldn't do any good without the help of 'The Funky Bunch'. But I was wrong, because as it turns out, every other movie he starred in was better than PLANET OF THE APES.

MY BUDDY AND ME

Talking bears were big in the 80s: Care Bears, Snuggle, Teddy Ruxpin, and 'Smokey the Bear'; telling kids how lighting cigarettes will really calm your nerves.

John Bennett never had any friends as a kid, so he wished for his stuffed bear to come to life. And he did, almost like 'Frosty the Snowman', except Ted doesn't melt after a couple of weeks.  Ted came to life 27 years ago, and presently, he is still very much alive.  He's like the Care Bear that got dumped off in a wheel barrow at the Betty Ford Clinic.

Now, John is a 35 year-old guy who won't  grow up. His days consist of smoking pot, drinking beer, and watching bad TV. And to make matters worse, he's a physics professor at MIT...I mean, he works at a car rental place.  

While it had more genuinely funny moments than most movies; it's not without its  flaws.

1. The premise of this movie is absolutely ludicrous; a talking bear: I mean c'mon.
2. There's a predictable relationship dynamic between Mark Wahlberg and his girlfriend.
3. Ted has a job at a grocery store, after acting like a complete asshole, he gets several promotions. It's a little too OFFICE SPACE for me.

There still no real ALF movie. That TV movie―PROJECT ALF (1996) doesn't count. With the success of this film, we might get the ball rolling on that rumored ALF movie. But I don't want to jinks anything.

I was at a packed movie theater, and when the credits rolled, I witnessed applause, and a standing ovation. I thought the movie was adorable and funny: a solid, B-grade comedy.  That's just my opinion, maybe I'm wrong. Perhaps you should rely on the opinions of people who would give a standing ovation after watching a movie.

Final Verdict: 80 out of 100

That's My Boy

THAT'S MY BOY
R
114 minutes
Director: Sean Anders
Writer: David Caspe
Adam Sandler, Andy Samberg, Leighton Meester

The second edition of: 'hey, that wasn’t as crappy as I thought it was gonna be.'

Cast
Adam Sandler-Donny
Andy Samberg-Todd
Leighton Meester-Jamie
Susan Sarandon-Mary McGarricle

The Plot
Adam laughs so hard at one of his own movies, that he dies. When he arrives at the pearly gates of heaven. St. Peter gives him an ultimatum: before you pass, I'm going to need you to make one funny movie with Rob Schneider. Otherwise, you'll spend eternity watching Little Nicky. Okay, I made that up, but it sounds plausible, right?

Maybe all those PG-13 comedies has stifled his creativity. Now, we are finally able to see his raw comedic talent, unrestrained by the bounds of the MPAA.

Lovechild―Never Meant To Be.

Todd is the product of an inappropriate Teacher-Student relationship, his mother is still in jail. Todd's real name is Han Solo, because that's what a 13-year-old boy would name his kid. As an adult, Hans disowns his parents. He creates a fake life story that involves his parents being dead. Hans changed his name to Todd, and now he's an uptight hedge fund manager.

His father, Donny (Sandler) is burnout loser. When I saw him pop that can of Natural Ice, I knew had some 'Father of the Year' trophies lying around.

We've all seen this movie before. The deadbeat dad gets back in the picture, after his son becomes successful.

Todd is this boring, uptight guy and Donny looks like an ulta-charming guy, who does everything right. There's a sort of What About Bob-dynamic to the plot. By the end of that movie, Richard Dreyfuss looked crazier than his psychiatric patient (Murray). One might say, the doctor ran out of patience.

James Caan, Susan Sarandon, Todd Bridges, and Sean's Dad from Boy Meets World. Do think these celebrities would be in a bad comedy? Perhaps? Well alright, but they aren't that bad in this one. Oh, I almost forgot, Todd Bridges is in this, but he wasn't on screen long enough to bug me.

The Secret of the Ooze
With all the early nineties cultural references, I was practically spooging in my pants. Vanilla Ice, Adam Sandler, New Kids on the Block, even Ian Ziering gets into the mix, that's right, Steve Sanders himself.

This is unoriginal, mindless, and about as low brow as it gets. But a comedy can only be judged by how funny it is, none of them are flawless.

I wanted to hate this movie. I'm sure many people wrote reviews before actually seeing the film. Everything is completely ridiculous, but it works. They kind of ease you into the ridiculousness, the way you might ease into a hot tub. So pop the Champale, Adam Sandler was in a kind of okay movie.

'...now that's what I call a hole in one. '

Final Verdict: 70 out of 100

MIB III

MEN IN BLACK III
PG-13
Director: Barry Sonnenfeld
Writers: Etan Cohen, Lowell Cunningham
Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Josh Brolin

I wear my sunglasses at night
So I can so I can See the light that's right before my eyes
-Corey Hart

Cast

Will Smith Agent J (Jay)
Tommy Lee Jones Agent K (Kay)
Josh Brolin Young Agent K (Kay)

Sci-Fi comedies are either great, or their awful: there is no in between. On one side, we have BIG TROUBLE IN LITTLE CHINA, and on the other, MY STEPMOTHER IS AN ALIEN.

The first MEN IN BLACK, deputed in the summer of 1997. About as good as summer blockbusters get. It had subtle, offbeat humor. Vincent D'Onofrio made the entire movie with that incredibly funny character, Edgar.

As for the sequel, MEN IN BLACK II was never actually made, due to the time traveling in MEN IN BLACK III. At least, that's what I'd like to believe.

In this latest installment, Agent J arrives in 1969 to prevent something from happening to Agent K.

Tommy Lee Jones made this film franchise believable. You take one look at him, and instinctively, you know he can keep a secret. Yet, he isn't present for most of the movie.

With TRUE GRIT, and NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN, inevitably, Josh Brolin will fall of the pedestal I placed him on. But that day, has yet to arrive. In this movie, he completely captures the essence of Tommy Lee Jones/Agent K. With the appearance of a young Richard Nixon. Brolin portrays an authentic, younger version of Special Agent K.

MEN IN BLACK is one of the best theme songs Will Smith has ever created, it's right up there with WILD WILD WEST, and THE FRESH PRINCE BEL-AIR: kudos.

With his universal likability, some have hailed him the 'Tom Hanks of the 90s'. And even though he hasn't made many of, what people might call 'good movies': Will Smith is not disappearing any time soon. Besides, who else is going to play Barack Obama in a future movie, say, 10-15 years from now?

Watching Miss Universe competitions, it's easy to forget how small we actually are. MEN IN BLACK III is an intergalactic comedy that will bring you right back down to earth...(get it?).

Definitely a family film, and by that, I don't mean plain or inoffensive, like HITCH. Your entire family might actually enjoy this movie. Which is great, because after all, 'sometimes parents just don't understand'.

Final Verdict: 70 out of 100

Sidenote: Speaking of alien life forms. There is rumor of a possible ALF movie.

I don’t believe the timing is or ever will be right for an ALF film adaptation, but if someone pulled a Morpheus and allowed me to choose the path of my existence, one in a world without an ALF movie and one with an ALF movie, I would pick the ALF movie, mostly because I’m not fond of cats.

-Paul Fusco, ALF creator

American Reunion

AMERICAN REUNION
R
113 mins
Director: Jon Hurwitz
Writers: Adam Herz, Jon Hurwitz
Chris Owen, Jason Biggs, Alyson Hannigan, Seann William Scott, Eugene Levy, Eddie Kaye Thomas, Thomas Ian Nicholas, Justin Isfeld, Chris Klein, Jennifer Coolidge, Jay Harrington, John Cho, Shannon Elizabeth, Tara Reid

"Were we just as obnoxious as these kids back in the day?"
-Kevin (Character)

Michelle, Jim, Heather, Kevin, Vicki, Finch, Stifler, and Stifler's mom. These characters embark on, yet another journey.

A journey―as sweet and American―as the Apple pie Jason Biggs made love to 13 years ago. All the actors are famous, but not too famous. They all have regular gigs, but could still use the money to feed their kids/addictions.

High school reunion movies and even TV episodes are ever good. What about THE SIMPSONS episode where Homer went to his class reunion? Well, that was no class reunion episode. He never graduated high school. Yeah, he managed to get a GED, but that doesn't count.

High school reunion movies filmed in the late 90s were dreadful. ROMY AND MICHELLE'S HIGH SCHOOL REUNION (1997) comes to mind. These films were about people who went to high school in the late 80s. More recent reunion movies have better soundtracks: Backstreet Boys, Limp Bizkit, Blink 182; need I say more?

You won't believe who hooked up with who.

• Jim and Michelle rekindled the spark in their marriage.


• Stifler's mom and Mr. Levenstein get it on.


• Finch's mom and Stifler. Hold on... let me savor the irony.

Idiotic, sophomoric, tomfoolericific, unsophisticated; but enough about myself. In all fairness, this movie doesn't pretend to be funny serious. However, it does pretend to be original. This is the fourth time I've seen the same AMERICAN PIE film. I figured they might make a good movie on accident.

Chris Klein and Keanu Reeves are identical twins. They look alike, and personality wise; neither of them are capable of portraying a convincing 'smart person'. So no one would catch on, Chris was put in suspended animation for 15 years.

On its own, this movie doesn't work. You need to know, and like the characters from the previous three movies to enjoy this one.

We will see many more sequels. There is no taming this 'AMERICAN PIE' beast. Even if all the actors died in the same plane crash: Buddy Holly style. They would make a documentary called: 'AMERICAN FUNERAL: THE DAY THE MUSIC DIED'. I would be the only critic with enough balls to rag on it.

Final verdict: 30 out of 100

Jack and Jill

JACK AND JILL 91 Minutes Director: Dennis Dugan Writers: Adam Sandler, Steve Koren Adam Sandler, Katie Holmes and Al Pacino   Oh, foe and cursed thing! What demon from the depths of hell created thee?   -Homer Simpson    Nick Cage and Adam Sandler are having a contest of whom can make the most bad movies.. Sandler is slightly ahead in this race. There is a difference between the two. Nicolas Cage has major tax problems; he does not want to make bad movies, he just has to. Adam Sandler has too much money and too much time, his movies just keep getting worse.    I crapped all over JUST GO WITH IT. Could this movie be worse than that one? Yes, I know that sounds impossible; like finding a temperature below absolute zero.    Jetson's Meet the Flintstones, taking two bad things, and making something much, much worse. This movie is a strange combination of WHITE CHICKS and MRS. DOUBTFIRE.     Every joke was about how ugly and stupid his sister was; we get it already (like 'Sheneneh' on Martin).     It's one thing to make a bad movie, it is quite another to tarnish the good name of Al Pacino (the actor-not the character from TROPIC THUINDER).   How did he get tricked into making this 'movie'. I suspect black male. Al Pacino killed a family member, had sex with the corpse, before torching their residence with molotov cocktails—all so he could collect the insurance money. The insurance money is used to cover up a previous, more heinous crime. That's it, there is no other explanation.     Final Verdict: Guilty 15 out of 100 p> Sidenote: In JACK AND JILL Jill kind of looks like BLOSSOM (Mayim Bialik), huh?, maybe it's just me.



Our Idiot Brother

OUR IDIOT BROTHER
90 minutes
R
Director: Jesse Peretz
Writers: David Schisgall, Evgenia Peretz
Paul Rudd, Elizabeth Banks, Emily Mortimer
Zooey Deschanel, Rashida Jones, Steve Coogan

I decided to do my duty honestly and firmly. Maybe it will be
boring and painful for me to be with people. In the first place I
decided to be polite and candid with everybody; no one can ask
more of me. Maybe I'll be considered a child here, too—so be it!                                                         

Dostoevsky, THE IDIOT p. 137

Look at this guy. You can tell, solely by his appearance, that he sells vegetables at a farmer's marThe key word is idiot: only an idiot could embody the highest of human values. Only an idiot would sell pot to a uniformed police officer.

Ned is an unassuming, non-judgmental type of guy. An idealist, always seeing the best in people. This catches up to him... eventually.

Ned serves a short jail sentence. His family pays his bail, but he just decides just to serve the rest of his sentence. Upon arriving home, he learns his girlfriend started going out with his best friend, and he no longer has a place to crash (or grow organic vegetables). 

Paul Rudd usually plays different characters. Mostly playing average guys, who are lacking in confidence. I was a little skeptical at the beginning of this film, he does not seem like the type of guy who could pull this off.

(Pictured on the left) Ned is at a meeting with his parole officer. He is incredibly candid with him. Later on, he tells the parole officer about the joint he smoked with the neighbor kid.

---

Has Three Sisters

They help him out monetarily, and give him place to stay. But Ned is wreaking havoc in the personal lives of his sisters, or at least it seems that way.

Liz (Mortimer) Middle Sister. Her husband, Dylan (Coogan) dooshy documentary film maker (as opposed to a non-dooshy documentary film maker)

Miranda (Banks) ambitious (at any cost), status seeking, boyfriend  is unpublished sci-fi writer.

Natalie-Ned's youngest sister, (Deschanel), and partner, Cindy (Jones).

---

Fictional Characters Similar to Ned

This type of character is rarely explored. Most people are not able to relate to saints, but they exist nonetheless.

HAPPY-GO-LUCKY (2008), a British comedy; Sally Hawkins played a similar character. A free spirited, elementary school teacher.   Acknowledging the bad things in life, while still remaining upbeat, and optimistic (I'm sure you can infer this from the movie title).

 Who's the boy that can laugh at a storm cloud?
 Who can turn a frown into a smile for free?
 Who's that kid with a heart full of magic?
 Everyone knows it's Butters!

This kid is pure innocence:

when Butters grows up, he will end up like this Ned character.

---

My Conclusion

The actors have real chemistry together (especially Paul Rudd and Elizabeth Banks); they all have experience both comedy and drama. By far, Paul Rudd's best movie, you can really tell how much fun he is having portraying this character. 

The conclusion seems a bit rushed, that is my only complaint. This movie is worth watching; I suggest viewing it at some point.

'The dude abides. I don't know about you, but I take comfort in that. It's good knowin' he's out there, the Dude, takin' her easy for all us sinners.'

-Sam Elliot, Dodge Truck Spokesman

Paul Rudd on Conan.  Pretty Funny, especially toward the end.

Final Verdict: 90 out of 100

Horrible Bosses

HORRIBLE BOSSES
Director: Seth Gordon
R
100 minutes
Writers: Michael Markowitz, John Francis Daley
Jason Bateman, Charlie Day, Jason Sudeikis, Jamie Foxx, Colin Farrell, Kevin Spacey, Jennifer Aniston

This is one of the worst movies ever made. I did not laugh one time. This week,  I put together a presentation. A simple movie review will not suffice in this case. Here goes:

It would be best to view this on a full screen.

Final Verdict: 1 out of a possible 100.