Ride Along

RIDE ALONG
PG-13
99 Minutes
Director: Tim Story   
Writers: Greg Coolidge, Jason Mantzoukas, Phil Hay, Matt Manfredi
Ice Cube, Kevin Hart, Tika Sumpter

CAST
Ice Cube…  James Payton
Kevin Hart…Ben Barber
John Leguizamo…Santiago
Bruce McGill…Lt. Brooks
Tika Sumpter…Angela Payton
Laurence Fishburne…Omar

Fuck The Police

Ice-T paved the way for other former rappers to play cops, like LL Cool J in NCIS: Los Angeles. So it’s not much of a shock to see AmeriKKKa’s Most Wanted play a cop in film. Still, a rapper playing a cop, that’s crazy. It’s like Dr. Dre becoming a business person.

This isn’t a buddy-cop movie. That genre is too cliché. RIDE ALONG is about two men in a squad car, that don’t get along very well.

We Be (Billy) Clubbin’ 

Okay, let me set this movie up for you. James Payton, is on a high-speed chase, with foreign criminals, he destroys half the town, without apprehending the suspect. But, wait, there’s a twist: the police chief is an angry jerk. And this incident really pisses him off. Oh man, Ice Cube is a loose cannon.

Ben Barber is a security guard. He was just accepted into the police academy. But before he starts basic training; Ben wants to go on a ride along…with his very abrasive, future brother-in-law.

Every bad cop movie needs a villain. In this movie, it’s THE MATRIX guy. No, not that MATRIX guy, the one whose daughter does porn. Anyway, he plays the kingpin of an international criminal enterprise.

We don’t find out until the end that the  other cops in the force are crooked. And they’re working for the kingpin. Laurence Fishburne makes an enticing offer to Ice Cube: work for me, and I won’t shoot you, and c’mon, we’d make good partners. But Ice Cube has far too much integrity to accept the deal.

This film unfolds as you would expect: it doesn’t. If only it wasn’t a little more self-aware. They could’ve worked the satirical angle. Like THE HEAT.

Kevin Hart has overextended himself. He’s trying too hard to be the next Eddie Murphy. That last standup special was very half-Harted. As a comedian, you can get away with being a funny guy that appears in bad movies, like Chris Rock. But if you’re an unfunny comedian, that appears in bad movies, then you’re Martin Lawrence.

I’m a fan of Ice Cube’s road trip movies…I mean his music. So it’s tough for me to criticize him. But he’s become what he’s always despised: a studio gangsta.

Today was not a good day.

Final Verdict: 10 out of 100
Sidenote: Brace yourself, there are rumors of a sequel

Bullet To The Head

BULLET TO THE HEAD
R
92 Minutes
Director: Walter Hill
Writers: Alessandro Camon, Alexis Nolent
Sylvester Stallone, Jason Momoa, Christian Slater

Cast
Sylvester Stallone--James Bonomo
Sung Kang--Taylor Kwon
Christian Slater--Marcus Baptiste
'Mr. Eko' from LOST-- Robert Nkomo Morel

Movie Quote...

Sung Lang: Are you fucking insane? You don't just kill a guy like this...
James Bonomo: I just did.

Stallone and Kang: in the unlikeliest comedy duo since TANGO AND CASH. No wait, I think David Duke and Malcom X would be the unlikeliest comedy duo. But strictly speaking, this film isn't a comedy, or at least an intentional one.

Brains and brawn, beauty and the geek. One's clean-cut and the other's rough around the edges.

You might think this looks like an Owen Wilson-Jackie Chan-type duo. But you'd be wrong. I think one could argue, with the criminal-cop dynamic, and the racial clash, Bonomo and Kwon, are most like Eddie Murphy and Nick Nolte in 48 HOURS.

    'That's all we expect of man, this side the grave: his good is - knowing he is bad.'
    -Robert Browning quoted at the beginning of GET CARTER (2000)
 
James Bonomo, part Rocky, part Rambo, part...just doesn't give a shit. By all appearances, this man is an honest criminal. But he's sees himself as an irredeemable nogoodnic, who no longer wants to be bothered.
 
You've seen this movie before. There's an investigation, police corruption, internal affairs gets involved, the police chief knows what's really going on, and is in on everything. Stallone's 'kind-of adopted' daughter, gets taken hostage in a large industrial building. The only thing you couldn't see coming was the axe fight (the tool, not the spray).
 
Sly has never looked this good, or good, period. But it looks like he's taking care of himself, with the HGH, and all. Good for him.
 
A-C Slater is looking for a comeback vehicle, and he hasn't found it yet. In recent years, his career had a resurgence, because he managed to snag so many quality roles on TV. But if he wants to move from the kiddie, to the grown folks table, figuratively speaking, then he should step up his game. He needs to get a small part, in a critically acclaimed film, made by a top-tier director. I'm not saying he'll win an Oscar. But I think if he puts his mind to it, one day, he can attend a party at Brangelina's, and NOT get escorted out by security.
 
I didn't care for this movie too much, that doesn't necessarily mean you won't like it. But why play Russian Roulette: a bullet to the head is bad for your brain.

Final Verdict: 65 out of 100
Sidenote: If you close your eyes, you may notice that Christian Slater and Jonah Hill have the same voice.