Battle Of The Year

BATTLE OF THE YEAR
110 Minutes
PG-13
Director: Benson Lee
Writers: Brin Hill, Chris Parker
Josh Holloway, Josh Peck, Chris Brown

'They're in a class all by themselves. They're the best
at what they do. And not you or anybody
is gonna take that away.'
-Christopher McDonald, BREAKIN' (1984)

Cast
Josh Holloway('Sawyer')...Jason Blake
Laz Alonso...Dante Graham
Josh Peck ...Franklyn
Chris Brown...Rooster'

The director of BATTLE OF THE YEAR, Benson Lee, made the good documentary, PLANET B-BOY, on which this movie is based. But his brilliance doesn’t transcend into the fictional world of break dancing. I think it’s because, with documentaries, well...they're hard to screw up.

From what I gathered, the basic premise is: America invented hip hop, if we don’t have the best B-Boy team in the world, then we might as well have spit on the troops that stormed the beaches in Normandy.

And thus, a coalition of freakishly talented dancers formed into, what some might call: a ‘Dream Team’. This ‘Dream Team’ may not have Michael Jordan, or Magic Johnson, but it does have one of Shawn Kemp’s kids.

‘You call yourself the ‘Dream Team’…more like the Dream Girls.’

Issues With This Film

-There isn't a token white girl, whose rich, unhip, conservative dad disapproves of her street thuggery, and the colored folks she associates with.

-Josh Peck is an assistant coach. I don't know how such an assistant would occupy his time. He's just standing there, with a clipboard and whistle, not offering anything of value to anyone.

-The trailer said this was coming out in January. Everyone knows that's when all the good movies come out. I hate being lied to.

-America's final dance was gimmicky. They did a routine blindfolded. Completely undermining the fundamentals of B-Boying. That should have been grounds for disqualification.

-Their choice of dancing attire seemed unimaginative.

-This is playing in actual movie theaters.

-There not being nearly enough of MTV's 'Sway'.

Things I Did Like

-I didn’t mind the lack of historical inaccuracy. Because it means a predictable film becomes slightly less so.
-Josh Holloway is doing alright for himself.
-The actors portrayal of the real people from the documentary were spot-on. I mean this in appearance (e.i. the sideways Yankee hat), and in overall dooshiness.
- Accurate subtitles for German, French, and Korean spoken language parts.

’For someone like me, this shit is it man. I’m never going to get another shot at this…ever.’

The Movie’s Conclusion: Breakin' Bad

Rooster twisted an ankle in practice, right before the big game. The coach promptly told him to make like Chris Brown and beat it. You can’t do much with crutches, except break your team’s chances of winning. Someone needed to replace rooster. So they brought back the guy kicked off the team for selling crack.

The Americans made it to the world championship. But in the end, the Koreans won. Don’t worry though, everything was on the up-and-up. This wasn’t like Roy Jones Jr getting robbed of the gold in 1988. America came in a less-than-respectable 2nd place. Which is a smart move. All that unfinished business leaves the door open for a sequel.

The strangest moment came toward the end. The coach started talking. He got all teary eyed, and starts talking about losing his family in a car wreck. Oh, that’s why he was drinking out of a flask, and acting like a dick. And the film ends on that note.

All My Complaints Pale In Comparison To This One Thing…

I’ve seen every dance movie, from STEPPIN’ UP to YOU GOT SERVED. I even remeber the part of FORREST GUMP, where he dances with his bloodhound to SWEET HOME ALABAMA. As an expert in dance movie, I can definitely say that this movie lacks Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Gray. And ultimately, that alone, killed it for me.

Final Verdict: 12 out of 100

Step Up Revolution

STEP UP REVOLUTION

PG-13

99 Minutes

Director: Scott Speer

Writers: Duane Adler, Amanda Brody

Cleopatra Coleman, Sharni Vinson, Rick Malambri

Excuse me, I ain't walkin on egg shells just cause you brought the Brady Bunch to the negro club.  -SAVE THE LAST DANCE (2001)

Cast

Cleopatra Coleman ... Penelope

Misha Gabriel Hamilton ... Eddy (as Misha Gabriel)

Ryan Guzman ... Sean

Michael 'Xeno' Langebeck ... Mercury

Stephen Boss ... Jason (as Stephen 'tWitch' Boss)

Peter Gallagher ... Mr. Anderson (Penelope's Dad) 

They have a saying in Miami: if you can't stand the Heat, you should leave American Airlines Arena; because you might become dissatisfied with your overall game watching experience.

STEP UP REVOLUTION takes the once highly respected 'dance competition' genre, and turns it into an utter joke. I don't understand how the movie unfolded, but I'll try to explain it to you.

This dance crew is a combination of flash-mobbery, youtube, stylistic dance moves, and poltical protest. Political dance protesting? If only they thought of that at Kent State. 

There's a new additon to the televised 'revolution', Emily. It takes a while for the crew to warm up to Emily. But she's screwing the main character, so it's all good. Emily always has the same dumb look on her face. It's that look of bewilderment or confusion; like Elizabeth Berkley in SHOWGIRLS (1997).

Mr. Anderson, Emily's father: Chairman of Anderson Global Properties: a big, bad corporation, that wants to destroy the lives of young, non-exotic dancers.  He's played by the dad from THE OC... I mean I think it's him. I was never really into that show.

Emily is his spoiled, classically trained daughter. For fans of SAVE THE LAST DANCE, she's like Julia Stiles character, Sara.  If you haven't seen SAVE THE LAST DANCE, you must do so. And only then, can you continue reading the rest of this article.

Emily, and the rest of  her multi-cultural gang, have sabotaged his development plan. Soon as he finds out about his daughter's shenanigans, O.C.-Dad becomes super pissed. How's he supposed to buy that aircraft carrier now? If he ever wants to sail his yacht immediately after landing his G6, he'll be shit-outta-luck.

If I had to judge the movie on dance moves alone. STEP UP would get a perfect score. And as far as I'm concerned, these actors qualified to appear in any Usher video they'd like. But I'm merely a movie critic, so I'll leave this judgement to those with more capable hands, nay, feet.

Final Verdict: 25 out of 100