The Sandlot (Retro)

by Edward Dunn


The Sandlot (1993) PG 101 Minutes Director: David Mickey Evans Writer: David Mickey Evans CAST Tom Guiry...Scotty Smalls Mike Vitar...Benny Rodriguez Patrick Renna...Hamilton "Ham" Porter Denis Leary...Bill James Earl Jones...Mr. Mertle Art LaFleur...Babe Ruth

“I am Hercules.” — Kevin Sorbo

The Sandlot is one of those movies that feels smaller when you’re a kid and larger when you’re an adult. What once felt like nothing more than a string of jokes and bits slowly reveals itself as something gentler — a memory of a summer that mattered, even if no one knew it at the time.

The narration sets the tone. It’s Christmas Story–adjacent, but with a key distinction: Ralphie grows up still wrestling with his childhood. Scotty Smalls grows up simply grateful for his. There’s no bitterness in the voiceover—only fondness.

That tone brings the movie closer to a family-friendly Stand by Me. Same idea—kids on the brink of change, one last shared adventure—but filtered through humor, exaggeration, and baseball. And even then, it’s not really about baseball. Baseball is the setting, not the point. This is a movie about kids hanging out one last summer before their lives quietly shift out of reach.

You see that shift everywhere. The legend of the Beast is cartoonish and funny, a child’s myth inflated into something operatic. The s’mores bit still works. The chewing-tobacco-on-the-carnival-ride scene remains perfectly disgusting and impeccably timed. Everything is heightened, but it’s emotionally honest—how summers felt, not how they literally happened.

The adults mostly exist as pressure. Bill, Smalls’ stepdad, radiates pure Denis Leary energy. You know he’s going to give that kid a black eye; the only surprise is how.

Even the stuff that could have aged poorly mostly doesn’t. The pool make-out scene lives in a gray area, sure, but it never feels creepy. If this movie had been made five years earlier, it’s easy to imagine that scene being played differently. Instead, the joke stays on Squints, keeping it silly over leering. That restraint matters.

Hercules—the Beast—becomes a central emotional anchor for the movie. He’s terrifying, misunderstood, and ultimately just a lonely old dog with a bad reputation. For anyone who grew up with an outdoor dog—the kind that growls at strangers but licks your face when you get home—it rings true. And mercifully, this is a movie with the right amount of dog in it: memorable, meaningful, never emotionally exploitative.

Art LaFleur’s brief turn as Babe Ruth is one of those performances that stays with you. He shows up for maybe three minutes, delivers a handful of lines with the perfect mix of gruff kindness and faint impatience, and then vanishes. But those minutes quietly reframe everything that follows. He’s not trying to steal the spotlight—he’s just there to hand it back to the kids. That understatement is what makes him so good, and it’s why, even now, I catch myself smiling every time the Bambino walks out of the fog.

I was surprised by how teary the ending made me. Nothing especially tragic happens—none of the boys meet some grim fate, no one gets killed breaking up a fight at a McDonald’s—and yet the emotion sneaks up all the same. Maybe it’s the exact balance the movie strikes between sweetness and sincerity, with just a trace of melancholy underneath. Even Hercules—or the Beast, as he’s more often called—is revealed, just before the epilogue, to be a mere mortal when the fence collapses on him. Later, we’re told he lives to be 199 in dog years, which sounds legendary until you realize he’s still the only character who actually dies. Or maybe the sadness comes from something simpler: the knowledge that once the movie ends, you don’t really get to see these kids—these newfound celluloid friends—again. Like childhood summers themselves, they don’t end in tragedy. They just end.

The epilogue seals it. “Heroes get remembered, legends never die” works because the movie earns it. The futures aren’t tragic, but they aren’t fantasy either. Benny Rodriguez makes it all the way, the way you always hoped he would. The rest don’t—and that’s the point. Bertram gets really into the ’60s. Life happens. It’s the exact right balance of bitter and sweet—proof that a family movie doesn’t need to be a bummer to be honest, and doesn’t need to be a fantasy to be comforting.

If anything, The Sandlot improves with age. As a kid, it’s funny and exciting. As an adult, it’s generous. It’s the kind of memory that sneaks up on you years later—when you’re old enough to see just how much that one summer really meant.

Final Verdict: 92 out of 100

Sidenote: Postscript


Blank Check (Retro)

by Edward Dunn


BLANK CHECK (1994) PG 93 Minutes Director: Rupert Wainwright Writers: Blake Snyder, Colby Carr Brian Bonsall, Karen Duffy, Miguel Ferrer CAST Brian Bonsall...Preston Waters Karen Duffy...Shay Stanley Miguel Ferrer...Carl Quigley James Rebhorn...Fred Waters Michael Lerner...Bank Manager Tone Lōc...Juice Jayne Atkinson...Mrs. Waters Rick Ducommun...Henry

“You got the juice now, man.”
—Bishop, JUICE

BLANK CHECK opens by taking its villain way more seriously than the rest of the movie ever will. Miguel Ferrer, in full ’90s character-actor mode, is shown in a dark, industrial basement counting out a million dollars in illicit cash. It’s played completely straight, like we’re meant to take Carl Quigley as a genuine criminal threat, which makes it stranger to watch him get outsmarted by a kid with a handful of Kevin McCallister tricks.

It’s nice, occasionally, to review a movie where the title handles most of the work for you. Preston Waters is a dorky, friendless kid — a YOUNG SHELDON type — ignored at home, picked on at school, and framed as poor in that specific ’90s-movie way where poverty means only having a couple of dollars at a theme park. When Carl Quigley backs into his bike and hands him a signed check to make the problem disappear, Preston fills it out for a million dollars, and the movie immediately enters a reality where a child is treated like a serious adult, no questions asked. In 1994, a check was money; now it’s evidence.

Miguel Ferrer should have been appreciated more while he was around—here, he brings a level of conviction that feels wildly out of scale with the movie he’s in. If you want to see what Brian Bonsall was doing just before this, watch MIKEY and then watch BLANK CHECK right after. The whiplash alone is worth the double feature.

Once the money clears, the movie settles into its fantasy: Preston living like a kid pretending to be a rich adult, though he’s not any more likable with a mansion than he was without one. What kid doesn’t fantasize about living like Nicolas Cage—buying a castle one week and going completely broke the next? There’s generic ’90s music underscoring expensive toys and a long line of adults who never once question the existence of “Mr. Macintosh.” Even the poster tries to help, sticking sunglasses on Preston and turning the hat backward, like he’s Snoop Doggy Dogg. Preston builds himself a kid-friendly version of Neverland Ranch.

The movie runs on fantasy speed, where a racetrack and a waterslide appear overnight and nobody thinks to ask how. The name itself—grabbed from the nearest computer—is adopted without a second thought. One thing the movie gets right is that in the ’90s, parents didn’t really care where you were — just be home in time for dinner.

The one relationship that actually works is with Henry, Preston’s chauffeur. He isn’t law enforcement, a plant, or a secret guardian — he’s just hired help, and that’s why the character works. He doesn’t ask questions because the movie needs at least one adult who won’t immediately shut the fantasy down. When Preston realizes his party guests are only there for the free food and prestige, Henry stands out as one of the few people who seems to genuinely care. It’s the closest the movie comes to anything resembling emotional grounding.

By this point, Preston has managed to burn through a million dollars in less than a week, which helps explain why the big party feels less like a celebration and more like a problem.

Naturally, the villains catch up. There’s a bike chase through the park, a limo escape, and Carl Quigley repeatedly shouting “your butt is mine,” a line it seems oddly proud of. The money disappears faster than the movie seems willing to acknowledge — even in 1994 — and the fantasy starts to fall apart.

Beyond a Super Soaker, a pair of Jordans, and a big-screen TV, I honestly wouldn’t have known what to do with a million dollars as a kid in this time period. Five grand would’ve felt like plenty.

BLANK CHECK is a simple premise stretched just a bit too far, stitched together by overqualified character actors and a brand of wish-fulfillment that only works if you squint real hard. It’s harmless, occasionally weird, and stranger than you remember — a kids’ movie from an era when Disney was still comfortable letting a little sleaze creep in around the edges.

Final Verdict: 45 out of 100

Sidenote: Streaming on Disney+. If you don’t have Disney+, it’s usually only a dollar more to buy than rent.


Frozen

by Edward Dunn


FROZEN
PG
108 Minutes
Directors: Chris Buck, Jennifer Lee
Writers: Jennifer Lee, Chris Buck
Stars: Kristen Bell, Josh Gad, Idina Menzel

CAST
Kristen Bell..Anna
Idina Menzel… Elsa
Jonathan Groff…Kristoff
Josh Gad…Olaf
Santino Fontana…Hans
Alan Tudyk… Duke

‘Allow me to break the ice. My name is Freeze. Learn it well. For it’s the chilling sound of your doom.’-Mr Freeze, BATMAN & ROBIN (1997)

Ice To Meet You

FROZEN is a tale of two, vaguely Scandinavian sisters, Queen Elsa and Princess Anna, who rein in the Kingdom of Arendelle. And if you were wondering, these women were not democratically elected.

Queen Elsa spends more time with ice than Tanya Harding. She is beauty and beast, simultaneously. Because she is a beauty, shunned by the people as freakish, and dangerous. Elsa is a female version of the Jack Frost from LEGENDS OF GUARDIAN, and  SANTA CLAUSE 3.  Don’t let the film, JACK FROST confuse you. That character doesn’t create snow, he can only use it to come back to life for his son to beat up a school bully.

With a title like FROZEN, automatically, you’ll compare it to another movie. But let me assure you, this film is nothing like ICE AGE. Sure there is snow and ice. And furry, wise-cracking animals. But that’s it. And it’s not like FROZEN was made for the sole purpose of making money.

Walking In A Winter Wonderland

FROZEN is an avalanche of many long, boring songs.  Although I found the ‘REINDEERS ARE BETTER THAN PEOPLE’ song incredibly enchanting, and persuasive. The soundtrack isn’t my main complaint, because the music is never good in a cartoon. Unless it’s THE JUNGLE BOOK.

In a movie about perpetual winter. You’ll be surprised to find that there are no DQ Blizzards, Icees, or Mr Freeze pop…characters. Would it really hurt anyone to have Sir Issac Lime make a cameo appearance?

Olaf, the snowman is like that kid from THE BLIND SIDE. Not super annoying, just a little irritating, to the point–you almost wished that Michael Oher didn’t save him in that car accident. As is, Olaf is a little too close to that David Spade character in THE EMPEROR’S NEW GROOVE. In FROZEN, this snowman character should’ve been less obnoxious, and a little more adorable. I’d also be open to a stoner snowman as well. He’d be named Bro-Zen. This snowman would always have potent cron-don in his corn-cob pipe. Dispensing sage advice contained in key moments throughout the film. David Cox-Arquette will do the voice.

‘An act of true love will thaw a frozen heart.’

It’s difficult not to feel like a jaded, cynical asshole. Critiquing an anti-feminist, children’s cartoon. But even if I were a kid, there is no way I would have liked this movie. It’s about a queen and a princess that don’t really do much, or have much fun.

Visually, this movie looks spectacular. Like a well-animated, 90-minute snow globe. So I recommend you rent FROZEN next year. And play it in the background during a holiday party. But put it on mute, because you never know, it might sync up with DARK SIDE OF THE MOON.

Merry Christmas Everyone

Final Verdict: 50 out 100