NECESSARY ROUGHNESS (1991)
PG-13
108 Minutes
Director: Stan Dragoti.
Writers: Rick Natkin, David Fuller

CAST
Scott Bakula...Paul Blake Hector Elizondo...Ed Gennero Robert Loggia...Coach Wally Rig Larry Miller...Dean Phillip Elias Sinbad...Professor Andre Krimm

MAKING THE QUANTUM LEAP

Less preposterous than MAJOR LEAGUE III: BACK TO THE MINORS, where Scott Bakula played a baseball player in his 40s; NECESSARY ROUGHNESS is about a 34-year old who gets to play a college quarterback. All because of a technicality. I think it's the same technicality that allows angels and golden retrievers to play competitive football.

Texas State University has a shortage of eligible players. So all the Armadillo players have to play offense and defense.

BACK TO SCHOOL: RODNEY DANGERFIELD STYLE

The cast of 90210 were all pretty old, but there was only one actor in their 30s, Andrea, and she wasn't around very often either (I know, technically, she was only 29 when the show started...freshman year). But in this movie, just when you came to terms with the 34-year-old quarterback. We are asked to suspend disbelief once again. Sinbad shows up, he's a chemistry professor, working on a PHD, yet he has enough stamina to play offensive, and defensive football.

GARBAGE PICKING FIELD GOAL KICKING PHENOMENON

Kathy Ireland is the greatest actor...ever. Yeah, she's a girl, and a field goal kicker...get used to it.

Larry Miller plays the classic college dean as only he can play. Like he did in those NUTTY PROFESSOR films. This dean is always menacingly, watching the football team. That asshole thinks academics are more important than sports. Don't worry though, he gets his. Right before the credits roll, a gun was pointed at his head (that's not a joke).

Rob Schneider made a cameo. Well, it was more like several cameos. But things are not as bad as they seem. I can deal with a pre-DEUCE BIGALOW Rob Schneider. Because he never attempts to make any jokes, from what I can tell anyway.

MEN OF A CERTAIN AGE

In this role, Scott Bakula looks more ridiculous than Payton Manning in a Papa John's commercial. With his jersey tucked into his jeans. Nonetheless, this movie has its moments, but not too many. I think it was because Scott Bakula starred in QUANTUM LEAP, while this film was getting made.

'DILLOS...MORE LIKE DILDOS

Football movies are either good or very bad. For every FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS, or VARSITY BLUES, you have terrible counterparts. Like THE REPLACEMENTS, or WILDCATS. But NECESSARY ROUGHNESS performs a rare feat, and manages to keep things at the 50-yard line, being neither good, nor bad, nor memorable.

Final Verdict: 50 out of 100

PROMETHEUS
R
124 Minutes
Writers: Jon Spaihts, Damon Lindelof
Director: Ridley Scott
Tom Hardy, Michael Fassbender, Meredith Vickers, Noomi Rapace, Charlize Theron

Hey, Mr. Spaceman
Won't you please take me along
I won't do anything wrong
Hey, Mr. Spaceman
Won't you please take me along for a ride
- MR. SPACEMAN, The Byrds (1966)

Cast
Noomi Rapace...Elizabeth Shaw
Michael Fassbender...David
Charlize Theron...Meredith Vickers
Idris Elba...Janek
Guy Pearce...Peter Weyland
Logan Marshall-Green...Charlie Holloway
Sean Harris...Fifield
Rafe Spall...Millburn
Emun Elliott...Chance
Benedict Wong...Ravel
Kate Dickie...Ford

What initially attracted me to this film was the title, Prometheus. How apt, the real Prometheus stole fire from the gods. As punishment, he was then chained to a rock, where a vulture would feast on his liver daily.

I feel funny critiquing Michael Fassbender. After all, he played a movie critic in Inglourious Basterds (2009). Here, he plays 'David', a robot closely resembling a human being. Not that a Half-Bred Vulcan could mate with an Android, why, that would be preposterous.

Quotes
'Want, not a concept I'm familiar with.'
'Doesn't everyone want their parents dead?'
'Sometimes to create, one must destroy.'
'It must feel like your God abandoned you.'
'Your father died of Ebola.'
'I watched your dreams.'
'I can carry out directives that my future counterparts might find distressing or unethical.'
'He did speak in alien language, but I'm unable to find those translations.'

Humanoid robots need to be indistinguishable from people, otherwise people freak out. Believe me, Bicentennial Man (1999) haunts me till this very day. Every time I walk into a crowded movie theater, I think, please, please don't let this be as bad as Bicentennial Man.
Few films get this existential without looking ridiculous, especially with science fiction. This is not a movie made for retards or overgrown man-children. I heard a co-worker complain about this film. In disbelief, I blurted out, 'really, what the hell movie were you watching?'. I'm fairly certain that we'll be on speaking terms some day.

There are other movies similar to this one. Namely, the underrated masterpiece: The Thing (1982). Kurt Russell plays in Antarctic 'research scientist'. I especially like the scene where he dumps bourbon on the computer after losing a chess game. But I digress.

There is one thing I found distracting; Dr. Shaw was always pronounced as 'Dr. Scholl'. I thought it was done on purpose, perhaps an obscure reference that I had no knowledge of (which is highly unlikely).

Miraculously, science-fiction clichés are avoided in Prometheus. For example, the black guy didn't die first. The CGI and 3D imagery wasn't obnoxious. And most importantly, Jeff Goldblum is nowhere to be seen. Job Well-Dunn.

Final Verdict: 92 out of 100

Sidenote: You should show up late to this movie. With previews, and the cartoon short, the actual film didn't get started until 25 minutes after the scheduled start time.