Melancholia (Mini-review)

by Edward Dunn

MELANCHOLIA
R
130 minutes
Director: Lars von Trier
Writer: Lars von Trier
Stars: Kirsten Dunst, Charlotte Gainsbourg, Kiefer Sutherland

A big rock is on a collision course with earth.
What should we call this movie?
ARMAGEDDON? No, that is already taken.

ARMAGEDDON, the 1998 disaster film. What do I mean by disaster? The asteroid or the film itself. Like the term 'Patty Wagon': is the term derived from the Irish criminals, or the Irish cops?

The best and worst day of her life.
Justine (Dunst) and Michael (Skarsgård) are getting married on a giant estate, with an 18 hole golf course. Well into the wedding reception, the two have sex in a sand trap on a golf course (now that's what I call a hole in one).

Shortly after the soirée, Michael leaves Justine, forever.

Melancholia is similar to 2001: A SPACE ODDESY, except there is more dialogue. I would call this an avant-garde, concept film; one that is a bit self-indulgent at times.

Much effort was spent on this film, this is obvious in every frame. Vibrant colors, rich symbolism, and soundtrack that is nothing short of sublime.

Some of you may think this movie is too slow. Why isn't Jack Bauer doing anything? So I'll say this:71 minutes in, Kirsten Dunst gets naked, but in the context of this film, it's not very erotic.

Currently playing in limited areas, which means you might have to rent this. Ideally, this film should be seen in a theater. Either way, I do know one thing: this movie will rock your world.

Final Verdict 86 out of 100


Tower Heist

by Edward Dunn

TOWER HEIST
PG-13
106 minutes
Director: Brett Ratner
Writers: Ted Griffin, Jeff Nathanson, Bill Collage, Adam Cooper
Ben Stiller,  Eddie Murphy, Casey Affleck, Alan Alda, Dwight 'Heavy D' Myers

Cast

  • Josh is the building manager (Stiller).
  • Charlie, concierge and Josh's brother-in-law (Affleck).
  • Enrique Dev'reaux, a new bellhop (Peña).
  • The Slide, master criminal (Eddie Murphy).
  • Bankrupt businessperson, Mr. Fitzhugh (Broderick).
  • FBI agent, Claire Denham (Leoni, ex-wife of Special Agent Mulder).

This film was the brainchild of Eddie Murphy and Ben Stiller. Walking into this movie, I figured it might be an apology for have stolen so much of my time and money; you know, with those NORBIT and MEET THE PARENTS movies.

Arthur Shaw (Alda), stole his employees money, 'Bernie Madoff style', in a Ponzi scheme. This movie centers on steeling millions of dollars from this evil guy. Alan Alda is an actor with a lot of range. He can make fun of himself; like in 30 ROCK, he plays Jack Donaghy's biological father, a liberal college professor from Vermont. Or he can play a CEO of a Fortune 500 company, convincingly.

In TOWER HEIST, Eddie Murphy has flashes of brilliance. The likes of which we have not seen since he uttered the phrase, 'you people are rednecks'. I look forward to seeing him in future projects. Right now, I think he concerned with the legacy he'll leave behind.

On a related note...

Eddie Murphy was going to host the Oscars. That is, until this Brett Ratner controversy occurred. Yes, it's true, the Academy discovered that Brett Ratner has never made anything worth watching. Billy Crystal is the new host of the Oscars.

“Am doing the Oscars so the young woman in the pharmacy will stop asking my name when I pick up my prescriptions,” (rim shot).
-Crystal, 63, a Twat on his Twitter account.

TOWER HEIST has its momemts, but it's just not worth watching. If I had to pick a movie most similar to this one, I'd choose FUN WITH DICK JANE (2005). They both feature comedians who are past their prime.

Final Verdict: 69 out of 100


Sidenote: Dwight 'Heavy D' Myer had a brief cameo in TOWER HEIST.  Strangely enough, he died they day I watched this movie. May the 'Overweight Lover' rest in peace.

In Time

by Edward Dunn

The year is 2161, payphones still exist, and yes, you can save time in a bottle. What the film is trying to say, is nuanced: All behaviour is motivated by the desire to be immortal. That sounds cool, but no, as much as I wanted there to be a point to this movie, there just wasn't one. Yet, I still believe this movie is worth watching.
Read More

Puss in Boots

by Edward Dunn

PUSS IN BOOTS
PG
90 Minutes
Director:Chris Miller
Writers:Charles Perrault (character), Brian Lynch,
Antonio Banderas, Salma Hayek, Zach Galifianakis 

 These boots are made for Walken

"That's it, that my new name: Puss...in boots."

-Christopher Walken, PUSS IN BOOTS(1988).

No, this is not remake of the 1988 film. Still, you should check that movie out, it is hilarious.

It's not a sequel or a remake. Nor is it some bizarre escapade, involving time-travel to a parallel universe.  If we are going to split whiskers; technically speaking, this movie is a spin-off prequel,

Usually, spinoffs are completely unnecessary. Typically, in TV, they take an an ancillary character from one show, and put him/her in a new setting. PURRRFECT STRANGERS brought us FAMILY MATERS. GOOD TIMES was a spinoff of MAUD, but GOOD TIMES was ten times as good as MAUDE (that's a conservative estimate).

This 'Puss and Boots' character first appeared in SHREK 2 (2001) as an ogre assassin, hired to kill a lovable, green giant. Eventually, Donkey, Shrek, and Puss grow to become close friends.

This cat is an interesting character with limitless potential. Antonio Banderas brings his Zorro/Zorro-type character to a whole new level.

Cast

Actor Character
Antonio Banderas Puss in Boots
Salma Hayek Kitty Softpaws
'Shock G' of the Digital Underground
Zach Galifianakis		 Humpty Dumpty
Billy Bob Thornton Jack
Amy Sedaris Jill

 

Like the other Shrek movies,  Puss in Boots relies heavily on bedtime stories and nursery rhymes. Humpty Dumpty, Little Boy Blue, Jack and Jill, Mother Goose, and etc.

If you look up 'cat burglar' in Webster's you will see the following:

cat bur·glar (kat-bur-gler) noun one who steals cats for profit.

Dreamworks has always appeared like a poor man's Pixar. Pixar had A BUGS LIFE (1998), and Dreamworks had ANTZ (1998). On the surface, both movies are similar. Upon closer examination, these two excellent films are dramatically different from one another: like the opposite of ARMAGEDDON (1998), and DEEP IMPACT(1998).

Much better than any of the other SHREK sequels, and about as good as the first SHREK. Was this movie hilarious? No, but it was a cute family film. An entertaining, better-than-average animated film.

I have no idea if you will like this film. After all, I'm no psychic, I don't have a crystal ball. But you, as an audience member, have a crystal goblet, one filled to the brim with Fancy Feast.

Final Verdict: 84 out 100


Margin Call

by Edward Dunn

MARGIN CALL
105 mins
R
Kevin Spacey, Aasif Mandvi, Al Sapienza, Anna Kuchma, Ashley Williams, Demi Moore, Jeremy Irons, Jimmy Palumbo, Mary McDonnell, Naeem Uzimann, Paul Bettany, Penn Badgley, Rich Campbell, Simon Baker, Stanley Tucci, Steven Weisz, Zachary Quinto

'Regulators, we regulate any stealing of his property and we damn good too. But you can't be any geek off the street, gotta be handy with the steel if you know what I mean, earn your keep!'

 

-YOUNG GUNS (1988)

Cast

* Kevin Spacey as Sam Rogers

* Paul Bettany as Will Emerson

* Jeremy Irons as John Tuld

* Zachary Quinto as Peter Sullivan

* Penn Badgley as Seth Bregman

* Simon Baker as Jared Cohen

* Mary McDonnell as Mary Rogers

* Stanley Tucci as Eric Dale

* Demi Moore as Sarah Robertson

* Aasif Mandvi as Ramesh Shah

* Ashley Williams as Heather Burke

* Al Sapienza as Louis Carmelo

 

This film takes place over a 24-hour period, like an entire season of 24. Well, maybe not, after all this movie isn't actually 24 hours long, and it's not as bad.

 

MARGIN CALL is more like a dramatic reenactment of the INSIDE (2010), an excellent documentary.  What this film tries to accomplish is simple: 'hey, investment bankers are people too"

 

Eric Dale (Tucci) has worked for J.T. Marlin the same investment bank for 19 years. He's fired without any real cause. Eric was in the middle working on long-term project. Before leaving, Eric hands a USB-drive to Peter Sullivan, and warns him to "be careful",

 

There are many bad analogies, metaphors and platitudes. I don't know if this done purposefully, or unintentionally, that's brilliant.

  • 'Our business is selling and buying.'
  • 'So what your telling me: the music is about to stop, and we're going to be left holding the biggest bag of odorous excrement ever assembled in the history of capitalism.'
  • 'Be first, be smarter, or cheat.'
  • 'I'll do it because I need the money.'
  • 'But you certainly know that business is selling and buying. Doesn't work very long without both components. We suddenly stop buying for a day or two. That's not something you hide under the rug. That gets out, and when it does, the whole thing comes to an end. And when it does the whole thing comes to an end, and right quick.'
  • '...speak as you might—to a young child or a golden retriever.'
  • 'Happy foxes and sad sacks.'
  • 'Fat cats and starving dogs'
  • 'When bulls the eat the bears, you're left with complete bullshit.'

Alright, I made that last one up.

 

John Tuld (Irons) is a higher-up; if I had to guess, I'd say his position was assistant vice president. This (Sir) Richard Branson wannabe, swoops down in his helicopter, and his high-priced minions bow down before him.

 

This movie straddles the line between compelling drama and being too preachy. There are no problems with the acting itself, or most of the dialogue, this story just unfolds in bland, predictable fashion. I can't tell if there actually is a climax in this film, every moment is equally as urgent.


After viewing this film, only one thing is abundantly clear: most actors are not smart enough to work at investment banks. I recommend watching MARGIN CALL once on basic cable, two years from today. And that, my friend, is something you can take to the bank...or not.

 

Final Verdict: 65 out of 100

Real Steel

by Edward Dunn

REAL STEEL
127 minutes
PG-13
Writers: Writers: John Gatins, Dan Gilroy
Director: Shawn Levyr
Hugh Jackman, Evangeline Lilly, Dakota Goyo

 

 

The wars of the future will not be fought on the battlefield or at sea.
They will be fought in space, or possibly on top of a very tall
mountain.  In either case, most of the actual fighting will be done by
small robots.  And as you go forth today remember always your duty is
clear:  To build and maintain those robots.  Thank you.

- -Military School Commandant's Graduation Address, THE SIMPSONS, The Secret War of Lisa Simpson

 

 Crush! Kill! Destroy!

BATTLEBOTS aired for five seasons, a show aptly suited for Comedy Central—the show was a complete joke. Robots fighting one another: sounds like Transformers. It is not assure you, this isn't similar to any of TRANSFORMER movies. If anything, I would put it into the same category as those SHORT CIRCUIT movies.

Up and Atom!

The year is 2020, we see one thing clearly: boxing kills brain cells, so fighting (with gloves) is illegal.  In this future, man and machine bond in an almost metaphysical way; a bond that transcends the confines of flesh and blood. It's called robot boxing: it's like combining Nascar, Dance Dance Revolution, and the World of Warcraft. Hmmm...you know, I can kind of see what the appeal would be.

Max Kenton (Goyo) is eleven years old, he reminds me of a young Annakin Skywalker . Charlie Kenton (Jackman), absentee father, down on his luck. Deep down, he really wants to rekindle his relationship with his son.

Max challenges WRB champion, Zeus, designed by Tak Mashido (Yune): 'I challenge Zeus to a fight anytime any place anywhere, you name it, we'll be there.'
 
The final battle is between Zeus and Atom. Fighting Zeus, that would make him a modern-day Prometheus figure (where's Hercules when you need him?)...yeah, that was a dork joke.

Bailey Tallet (Evangeline Lilly) runs the boxing gym of her late father. She is an unnecessary character; I found her enthusiasm for robot boxing to be somewhat questionable. Since Lost, Evangeline Lilly (aka, Kate or Freckles) has only done shampoo commercials. It was good to see her back again, definitely a step up from those commercials.

This movie is remarkably similar to OVER THE TOP (1987). Sure they changed a few key details, no arm wrestling, truck driving, a few characters. The mother dies, troubled relationship with father, the national championship. It's like there is a book called, 'Making Unoriginal Movies...the Lazy Way'; except STALLONE read the book-on-tape first.

   1. "Do you really think you can make up for ten years in 2 to 3 days?"
   2. "He's staying with me! You tell him that! You tell him!"
   3. "I wanted you to fight for me that's all I ever wanted. "

Which of these quotes is from OVER THE TOP, and which is from REAL STEEL? Check the bottom of my review, the answers may surprise you.

This film has many flaws, but mainly, I just didn't care about any of the characters. I suppose that is almost expected in a movie about robots.

If you would like to see a film about robot fighting; I would suggest TERMINATOR II: JUDGEMENT DAY. From what I hear, it's a real snooze-fest.

Shawn Levy, the director of this film, has not made anything great since the TV series, THE SECRET WORLD OF ALEX MACK(1996).

A family film, and a popcorn flick. REAL STEAL is reel-to-reel goodness, a movie the entire family can tolerate.  Yes, REAL STEEL is a real steal; after viewing it, you'll demand your money back

Final Verdict: 65 out of 100

Quiz Answers

   1. Do you really think you can make up for ten years in 2 to 3 days? OVER THE TOP
   2. He's staying with me! You tell him that! You tell him!" REAL STEEL
   3. I wanted you to fight for me that's all I ever wanted. " REAL STEEL