Silver Lining's Playbook

SILVER LINING'S PLAYBOOK
R
122 Minutes
Director: David O. Russell
Writers: David O. Russell, Matthew Quick
Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence, Robert De Niro

'She drives me crazy and I can't help myself.' - FINE YOUNG CANIBALS (1989)

CAST
Bradley Cooper--Pat
Jennifer Lawrence--Tiffany
Robert De Niro-- Pat Sr.
Jacki Weaver--Dolores
Chris Tucker--Danny

Patrick is a bi-polar man, who had a violent meltdown. After serving some time in the 'loony bin', he gets released to his mother. I meant 'psychiatric hospital' not 'loony bin'. However difficult it may be, he's trying to move on with his life, staying positive.

Tiffany is a much younger woman. Because her husband died tragically, she has her own mental health issues to deal with. To me, she seems a little young to have a dead husband. I'm not sure you stay married once the person dies. But I suppose, poetically speaking, love is eternal.

It's not obvious, at first, but Tiffany and Patrick will become 'crazy in love', to quote Beyoncé.

Bradley Cooper is trying hard not to be that guy that was in THE HANGOVER, especially after that last sequel. Delibrately, he's trying to appear more intellectual in his film roles. But his efforts haven't been in vain. I'm just now beginnig the process of starting to like him.

In case you were wondering, those photos of Jennifer Lawrence in a bikini aren't real. You should probably put away the Jergens and Kleenex. Jennifer Lawrence always looked as competent as the other big names in this picture. She has a long future ahead of her. Dare I say: people might still go to see her movies after she becomes old and unattractive.

It's funny, a toned-down Chris Tucker is still able to play a mentally ill patient. All kidding aside, I do like this version of Chris Tucker.

Robert De Niro, isn't essential to SILVER LINING'S PLAYBOOK. He plays Patrick's dad. An OCD, compulsive gambler, who loves the Eagles. This is where I might say the Eagles football team, for clarification. But it's unnecessary; sure, a few people can tolerate 'The Eagles' band, but no one loves them.

Is this good enough to be nominated for Best Picture?

Not likely, no movie comes close to DJANGO UNCHAINED. I'm not even sure SILVER LINING'S PLAYBOOK is as good as Ben Affleck's film ('good as Ben Affleck's film' that phrase does sound funny).

While I could always sense where the movie was going, I still wanted to finish it. When the credits roll, you feel good, that is, unless you wanted something more than a 'feel good movie'.

Final Verdict: 80 out of 100

Django Unchained

DJANGO UNCHAINED
R
165 Minutes
Director: Quintin Tarantino
Writer: Alan Thicke
Samuel L. Jackson, Jamie Foxx, Christoph Waltz, Leonardo DiCaprio

'Southern Man when will you pay them back'
-Neil Young

Reach for the sky, Honky!Cast
Jamie Foxx--Django
Christoph Waltz--Dr. King Schultz
Leonardo DiCaprio--Calvin Candie
Samuel L. Jackson--Steven

DJANGO UNCHAINED takes place in 1858, Greenville, Mississippi. Put that map away, and let me save everyone a bit of time: Mississippi is the state between Louisiana and Alabama.
 
DJANGO pays homage to many films, genres and characters. Which means much of this movie may already be familiar to you. Now, to elaborate on this further.
 
The title, and the bare-bones of the story, come from a few bizarre spaghetti-westerns. The titled  character, Django, is trying to rescue his estranged wife from a slave owner. This is done with extreme prejudice.  
 
Django is like Will Smith, in WILD WILD WEST; the black guy on WALKER TEXAS RANGER, and that character from BLAZING SADDLES... Gene Wilder.
 
Leonardo DiCaprio' character, the plantation owner, is based on Ted Turner, and 'Foghorn Leghorn'.

Sam Jackson's character, Steve, is part 'Uncle Ruckus, from THE BOONDOCKS. Part 'Uncle Ben'.

This Movie Is Off The Chain

In historical movies, there is usually is some white-washing of the past, it's inevitable, we live by different standards today. People forget what slavery was actually like. It wasn't just picking cotton in the fields. There were carnival rides, bouncy castles, clowns, candied apples, and daisy chains of joyful laughter. This movie is historically accurate (in some respects), and entertaining as hell, which is a difficult feat to carry out. This isn't just escapist fun: it's 'escapist' fun, for the characters.
 
I'm writing this as Tarantino accepts his Golden Globe for Best Screenplay. Well, since the Academy doesn't make a ton of mistakes... Oh, what's that? the Foreign Press Association does the Globes. Didn't they nominate THE TOURIST, a couple years ago. Nonetheless, they got it right, if only by coincidence.
 
Hmmmm, you might want to wait for the Oscars.
 
Final Verdict: 98 out 100  
Sidenote: I subtracted a couple of points, because Kurt Russell was supposed to be in this (to replace Kevin Costner). I just know he would've been perfect for the roll of 'plantation thug'. Without him, this movie falls just short of perfection.

Marked For Death (Retro)

MARKED FOR DEATH (1990)
R
93 Minutes
Director: Dwight H. Little
Writers: Michael Grais, Mark Victor
Steven Seagal, Keith David Joanna Pacula, Basil Wallace

Cast
Steven Seagal--John Hatcher
Basil Wallace--Screwface
Keith David--Max

    Give me what I need and I'll leave here a nice guy. If you don't, I'm gonna fuck you up.'
                 -John Hatcher

Before starting his career as a blues musician, and even before the Mountain Dew commercials. We had Steven Seagal in his prime. He's a man, widely regarded as the biggest asshole in Hollywood. But would the biggest asshole in Hollywood sexually harass Jenny McCarthy, while she auditions for UNDER SEIGE II. AND get anointed by the Dalai Lama? Perhaps.

John Hatcher, 35, retires from the DEA, after his partner gets killed. He takes this newly found abundance of free time, and does a little soul searching. John stops by the old neighborhood, and pays the family a visit, hanging out there for a bit.

'Since when did anyone ever accuse me of being sane?'

One day, while he's catching up with an old friend at the pub, trouble found him. Rastafarian, dope-pushers, spray the pub with oozys. Reluctantly, he  comes out of retirement. He can no longer ignore the thugs that have taken the town hostage.

Screwface has been pushing crack to high school kids. But he's not all bad, he gives kids free samples during school functions.

So he teaches the drug king pin...Damien Marley... I mean 'Screwface' a lesson in manners. Screwface vows revenge.

So What's The Deal With The Title?

    'It's an African black magic symbol. lt was used by the Jamaican drug gang the other night...
    you've talked or exposed them...and have been marked for death... This may seem ridiculous
    to you, Hatcher, but these people are for real. Your family has been marked.'

Time To Bring Out The Big Guns

Most of the movie, he's rocking the stone-washed jeans, and a black sports coat. It's the fashion equivalent to the mullet: business on top, and party on the bottom. He enhances this, already spectacular ensemble, with a Madison Avenue ponytail. Way to 'discipline your image'... man.

If you pay attention closely, you'll notice a young, Danny Trejo. No, wait, that guy was born 50 years old.

Because they are all so similar, it's completely unnecessary to review any other Steven Seagal movie, but I still might, it's all just too much fun.

Steven Seagal is a student of eastern philosophy, and appropriately enough, his movie is like the Yin-Yang symbol. MARKED FOR DEATH, simultaneously, manages to be both bad and good; striking the right balance between two opposing forces, and achieving perfection.

Final Verdict: 100 out 100

Jack Reacher

JACK REACHER
PG-13
130 Minutes
Director: Christopher McQuarrie
Writers: Lee Child, Christopher McQuarrie
Tom Cruise, Richard Jenkins, Rosamund Pike, Werner Herzog

Cast
Tom Cruise--Reacher
Rosamund Pike--Helen
Werner Herzog--The Zec
Robert Duvall--Cash

Homer: Wait, I'm confused about the movie... so the cops knew internal affairs were setting them up?
Man: What are you talking about theres nothing like that in there
Homer: Well y'see when I get bored I make up my own movie. I have a very short attention span.
THE SIMPSONS, 5F23

You Don't Know Jack

Take a close look at the opening credits. You'll see it's produced by Tom Cruise. In all fairness, this is mainly because people are weirded out by him. Just like John Travolta, the only way he can get work, is by being in his own movie.

Our story begins when a sniper kills four people. But this isn't the work of some crazed lunatic. Well it is, but it's not the one you're thinking of. The main suspect is in a coma. Jack is trying to prove this man's innocence. Powerful people framed the suspect, and Mr. Reacher has to untangle this complex web of deceit, lies, and  corruption.

Hit The Road Jack

Jack Reacher is a bad-ass:  a quick-witted dude, with the ingenuity of MacGyver. He is a drifter, but not just any drifter, one who plays by his own rules. He's like that guy on PRISON BREAK.

Helen is the lawyer representing the suspect. Tom Cruise plays one of her temporary employees, a 'paralegal' of sorts.  There's a sexual tension between these two that's impossible to ignore. While in a hotel room, very casually, Jack offs the shirt he's wearing. She tells him to put his shirt back on, but it's not very convincing. You think something will happen, but unfortunately, things have to stay PG-13.

Soon as you think you got everything figured out: Bam! It was the black guy. I knew it; he was just too gung-ho about this investigation. Filmmakers don't want to look racist. Interestingly enough, this racial bias, brings about a mammoth plot twist.

If you think Robert Duvall has played far too many old cowboys, you're in for a welcome surprise. In this movie, he plays a shooting range owner... that wears a cowboy hat.

Werner Herzog plays a brutish, criminal overlord.  As a documentary filmmaker, this is the part he was born to play: a maniacal sociopath. In this role, he's absolutely splendid.

My Criticism

Overall, this film ended too smoothly. The cop chase scene was a little too 'BLUES BROTHERS'. And with the villains, they're cunning criminals, in one moment, yet, in the next scene, they're literally like 'The 3 Stooges'. I find it difficult to suspend disbelief when people are acting so cartoonishly stupid.

JACK REACHER is just good enough to not be labeled as a bad movie. If you want to see this type of movie, except better, watch MICHAEL CLAYTON (2007).

Final Verdict: 74 out of 100

This is 40

THIS IS 40
R
134 Minutes
Director: Judd Apatow
Writer: Judd Apatow
Paul Rudd, Leslie Mann, Albert Brooks, John Lithgow

Cast
Paul Rudd--Pete
Leslie Mann--Debbie
Maude Apatow--Sadie
Iris Apatow--Charlotte
John Lithgow--Oliver
Megan Fox--Desi
Albert Brooks--Larry

I've always given Judd Apatow a free pass because I love FREAKS AND GEEKS (1999) so much.  But not all his projects of been so excellent. Still, to his credit, he hasn't had any epic, Adam Sandler-scale failures, thus far.

THIS IS 40 picks up where KNOCKED UP left off. Except, the main character,  Seth Rogen, isn't around. I get the feeling that Seth was probably in the first draft of the screenplay, in some capacity, but couldn't appear in it because he was doing that other 'comedy' with 'Babs'. It's frustrating, I'm curious and I'd like a little closure. How did it all worked for those two crazy kids, and their love child? And what about that pornographic website start-up? It was supposed to make enough income to pay for the kid's future ivy league education.

Lesley Mann is the wife of Judd Apatow. So it's merely coincidental,  that she and her two daughters star in the movie he directed. Oh, man, I wish there was an emoticon for sarcasm. This is the worst case of nepotism since the Wayans family debacle on IN LIVING COLOR. But in reality, the Apatow clan functions exceptionally well, as both a fictional and a real family. It certainly made for a better, more authentic movie.

Debbie's father is played by John Lithgow. He's one of the more fascinating characters in the story. There's a side to this actor I've never noticed. Because of his role on CLIFFHANGER, and (1993) THIRD ROCK FROM THE SUN; I'm used to John Lithgow acting all flamboyant, and animated.  Even when he played that psychopath on DEXTER;  the character was a low-key, serious guy, who never made a spectacle of himself. John's  character, in this film, is very dead-pan, perfecting a very Newhart-ian style of comedy.

Megan Fox...looking good. She's a damn fine prostitute ...in this movie, that is.

The actors, themselves, are not to blame for the film's shortcomings. There's a depth to the characters that's not often seen in comedies. The problem lies within the narrative.  The script wanders too far, and too often. The right conclusion can make up for all that wandering. But here, the conclusion just doesn't feel right. Like an afterthought.

In summary: the only thing wrong with this movie is the lack of fart and dick jokes.

Final Verdict: 80 out of 100

Fred Claus

FRED CLAUS (2007)
PG
116 Minutes
Director: David Dobkin
Writers: Dan Fogelman, Jessie Nelson Vince Vaughn, Paul Giamatti, Elizabeth Banks

CAST
Vince Vaughn-Fred Claus
Paul Giamatti-Nick 'Santa' Claus
Elizabeth Banks-Charlene
Kevin Spacey-Clyde

Merry Christmas Everbody

FRED CLAUS reeks of mediocrity. It's not the worst Christmas movie ever made. But it is one of the most boring ones.

Plot wise, every Santa movie is about trying to get enough toys made before Christmas eve.

Paul Giamatti is over-qualified to play Santa. His lack of enthusiasm for the role is impossible to ignore. It looks as though he's only in FRED CLAUS as a result of black male, or an addiction to prescription pain killers

There's one, intentionally funny scene, when Fred goes to 'Siblings Anonymous'. Billy Baldwin, Roger Clinton, and Frank Stallone all complain about living in the shadow of a successful brother.

And Now For Some Unintentional Humor

'Clyde, played by Kevin Spacey, is an efficiency expert. A hard-nosed bureaucrat; he wants to shut down Santa's whole operation. We find out this 'Clyde' character is only bitter from not getting a particular present from Santa as a child. In the scene where Santa confronts Spacey's character, things get too melodramatic. Here is some dialogue:

Santa: Four-Eyed Clyde. I bet that's what they called you. I don't know what you're talk...Oh, and do you think that after a while of being called Four-Eyed Clyde... you maybe got a little angry? Maybe you started a fight or two. Maybe 10, maybe 12. So you asked me for something. A Superman cape. Because you thought that that was gonna change everything.

Clyde: This is ridiculous.

Santa: So you decide to stay Four-Eyed Clyde? Because Clark Kent wore glasses! But when he turned into Superman...he didn't need those darn glasses anymore, did he? Oh, Clyde. It was wrong of me not to give you that gift, Clyde. I fear that I had a very incorrect... misguided understanding of naughty children. So this may be a little late. You wanna put it on?

Clyde: Mr. Claus, I'm a 45-year-old man, I'm not...

Santa: Put it on...for me
(End Scene)

And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen. You may of unwrapped all your presents, and you're probably done watching Christmas movies. But with my gift to you, you now have knowledge of, and are able to avoid this sub par movie. And that's something that will last a lifetime.

Final Verdict: 35 out of 100

Ernest Save Christmas (Retro)

ERNEST SAVES CHRISTMAS (1988)(Retro)
PG
95 Minutes
Director: John R. Cherry III
Writers: Ed Turner, B. Kline
Jim Varney, Douglas Seale and Oliver Clark

Cast
Jim Varney     ...Ernest P. Worrell
Douglas Seale     ...Santa
Oliver Clark     ...Joe Carruthers

Well, there you go.
I messed things up, like always.
Only now, I messed up Christmas
for everybody. My favorite time of year,
and I blew it! -Ernest (Movie Dialogue)

The Importance of Being Ernest

After A CHRISTMAS STORY, and before HOME ALONE, we had ERNEST SAVES CHRISTMAS.

Culturally, 1988 was awful.  It was so awful, that ERNEST SAVES CHRISTMAS was not the worst movie to come out that year.

Ernest was a character invented by studio executives in the 80s. For those of my readers who don't remember the cultural phenomenon of 'Ernest'; shame on you, I'm embarrassed for the both of us. For those of you who have seen every 'Ernest' movie, stop reading my review, enough of your time has been wasted.

Varney's character was the personification, and embodiment of all 'THREE STOOGES'. The problem is, slapstick lost its appeal 50 years ago. Ernest is more slapdick comedy; the way he jerks us around, without arriving at any humorous climax.

Like 'Gallagher', There is no explaining why people liked him. Or how he hung around, just long enough, to permanently secure a spot on the Parthenon of American pop culture.

With ERNEST SAVES CHRISTMAS, Ernest impersonates a variety of characters, with stunning accuracy.  Lawyer, snake caretaker, elderly woman, and actor. And so it seems, Dana Carvey, the 'Master of Disguise, doesn't have a monopoly on impersonating multiple characters in the same film.

Jim Varney spent a large part of his life  portraying 'Ernest', before moving on as a distinguished thespian in the Royal Shakespeare Company.  That last part was a mistake. I was confusing Jim Varney with Ian McKellen...again. Sincerest apologies.

Truthfully, as far as his legacy is concerned, Varney probably wants to be  remembered for his later voiceover work, as well as that bizarre cameo on the last season of ROSEANNE, but not as some yokel in a denim vest. Unfortunately, there is no reversing the damage already done.

Not everything is wrong with this movie. Young children might like it, I know I loved it, that is, before knowing any better. On a positive note, Douglas Seale does give us the best depiction of Santa in cinematic history. It's just a shame, he had to be in such a poor movie.

Final Verdict: 10 out 100

Sidenote:  The Ernest thing isn't done yet, check out this story: Ernest Gets a Reboot with Son of Ernest. End this madness, now, please, let's not corrupt another generation of America. We need people to collect my bed pans, when I'm at a nursing home.

Thunderstruck

THUNDERSTRUCK
PG
102 Minutes
Director: John Whitesell
Writers: Eric Champnella, Jeff Farley
Kevin Durant, Taylor Gray, James Belushi

CAST
Kevin Durant      Himself
Taylor Gray         Brian
James Belushi   Coach Amross

BLUE CHIPS, WHITE MEN CAN'T JUMP, ABOVE THE RIM , BLACK AND WHITE, SPACE JAM, HE GOT GAME, HOOSIERS, CELTIC PRIDE, BIG AND HARRY, and TEEN WOLF. What do all these basketball movies have in common?

None of them are as bad as THUNDERSTRUCK.

Brian is a 16 year-old boy who lives within the greater OKC area. While at a Thunder game, he wins a raffle, and gets a chance to shoot the basketball from half court. Brick! He misses the basket, in a most spectacular fashion, knocking the buffalo-headed mascot unconscious.

The next scene is at the funeral of the buffalo mascot. Just kidding, he doesn't die...or maybe he does. The person inside might be a replacement, you don't know.

The next day, all the kids in school make fun of him, because they always have, it goes with the territory of being a dork. This incident makes it much more difficult for him to look like one of those 'cool guys'. The type of guy Isabel Sánchez goes for. And it's too bad because he's really got a crush on her.

You know how this type of movie goes down. We've all seen ROOKIE OF THE YEAR. Well, at least I have.  Brian becomes the world's greatest basketball player.

With all the success of high school basketball, he became a giant prick. His real friends abandoned him. And that Sánchez girl, she wants nothing to do with him.

Kevin Durant's agent notices the NBA baller's moves have mysteriously vanished. There's only one logical explanation: an accidental talent transfer between two people, right after that half-court shot.

The time comes to make things right.  The mascot has to get hit in the head again, to reverse the talent transfer.

The only realistic part of the movie was the basketball coach. I could see Jim Belushi, the person, really coaching high school basketball. After he runs out of ACCORDING TO JIM royalties, he may have to settle down with a regular gig, and get married to someone about as attractive as he is.

THUNDERSTRUCK is a blatant rip-off of the Lil' Bow Wow movie, LIKE MIKE. Surprisingly, LIKE MIKE is not so bad. Mostly, because they used NBA players...that played basketball in the movie. In this film, we don't see nearly enough, real basketball action.

As a player, and a player of basketball, I respect Kevin Durant. There are no hard feelings, from this bitter Sonics fan. I'm just disappointed with him, and some of the decisions he's made.

Final Verdict: 24 out of 100